Desperate

I am desperate for some time to myself. Five damn minutes of peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently.

I can't seem to do a fucking thing without someone looking over my shoulder. There is always someone here and not just here, but up my ass. Who the hell are these people and why won't they go away? They are *shivers* family.

I tried turning the lights off and acting like I wasn't home. Forgot to lock the door. I tried answering the phone like a Mexican woman and saying I died. Turns out I don't do good impersonations.

These people travel in packs. Looks like the clown car picked up the freak show. Driving me to drink...a lot, lot, lot, lot. You know how they say you can only handle being around drunks if you yourself are drunk. Yep, that's true facts. Nothing brings a family together like liquor.

And you know how people always say, "there's one on every family". Yeah, well somehow I inherited all of those fucktards in my family tree. They're like Family Guy on crack.

You know these bastards always want to build a fire. Rednecks love to watch shit burn. They just go into a trance. In fact that's how I'm writing this now. I boozed them up and set them in front of bonfire outside.

Outside-as defined by itsjustme-not the fuck in my house.

I just need one minute with some fingerporn.

One minute with some tongeporn.

One minute with jawporn.

One minute with the sex stare. I mean really doesn't every girl deserve a good eyefucking?

One minute with the happy trail.

Forever with the smile.

Here they come. Gotta go cut some trees or some shit.

Cheers.

These are mine. Ya'll bring your own.