It bothers me to see my friends so upset and feeling guilty about the things that they love. It's hard to tell them not to feel bad when I experience the same emotions. Why is it that we as women find it so damn necessary to be productive all the time? If we are on the net reading , writing, or talking with friends, we feel bad for every second of real life that passes us by, but take the net away to go to work or clean house and all we can think about is what we want to read, write, or tell our friends. It's a terrible catch 22. Is reading and writing and hanging with friends not what our parents and teachers wanted for us? When a man comes home from work, does he feel compelled to do dishes, laundry, or floors? Hell to the no! Does he feel any remorse at all for the time he spends playing video games or watching Jackass? *snorts* I think not! Are we going to win a prize for having the busiest schedule and still keeping a spotless house? Fuck no! There are two things I have learned as a woman. One, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Two, no one ever layed on their death bed and thought, "man, I wish I had spent more time cleaning house". Therein, I think, lies our problem. God forbid one of us relinquish control over any aspect of our lives (or the lives of those closest to us), yet we feel time passing by us so quickly and are compelled to have good stories to tell on the sin wagon. Why do we feel we have to give up one to have the other?
Is it wrong to spend time enjoying ourselves? It seems odd that we fervently dominate every detail of our homes, jobs, and families, yet allow our funtime to be dictated by other people's expectations. Why is it that months pass while we effectively control our pieces of the universe and then one off handed remark from someone about the time we spend on twitter, etc. causes us to halt our actions and stop to ponder? Did you ever notice how we can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, along with the other 56 things on our to-do lists without one thank you or pat on the back? In fact, if someone were to say something about how you run your household or do your job, would you not argue your capabilities? But one biased opinion on our spare time will cower us.
Why is it that we know we are right 99.8% of the time and that the world would be a better place if others would just take that as a given, but one casual reference to how we spend our free time can screw up our perceptions; make us second guess ourselves? Should we not be grateful for the time that we spend doing the things that we enjoy? In olden days when your job and housework was finished, a woman had to spend 12 hours baking biscuits and churning butter. Wouldn't our pioneers, who worked so hard to get us to the point that we could have extra-curricular activities be scornful of the time we waste feeling guilty about it? I know in my heart, I'm not hurting anyone and I deserve to do the things that make me happy. Namely Rob. I've never known anything more worth fighting for.
So the next time, a group of my RL friends gang up on me for saying Rob's name for the tenth time in an hour, I'm gonna swig down my beer and look them square in the eye all Cartman style and say, "Screw you guys, I'm going home".
The next time that one of my co-workers rolls their eyes and says, "Twilight again?" I'm going to smile in satisfaction of their jealousy at my ability to have it all, and secretly throw their lunch away.
The very next time that someone in my family says I'm too old to have these posters on my walls, I'm going to channel Eddie Murphy and tell them, "This is my motherfuckin' house and if you don't like it, you can get the fuck out"!
The next time that I feel that nagging guilt about my productivity, I'm going to think of how mad it makes Rob when the world's expectations rule our lives.
The next time that everyone in the check-out line is starring at me for buying the Robazine, I'm going to remember how sad it makes Rob when the attention of others stops us from doing the things that we love.
Maybe it just comes down to respect for ourselves and others. Rob wouldn't want it any other way.
A big thanks to Tina TwiObsessed, my blogger soulmate, for helping with this post.
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