Oh shit! It's the World Cup

Dear God! How I hate football.

I'm already fed up to the back teeth with the build up. But for the next few weeks every TV channel will be clogged up to the hilt with weeks of boring pre-match bullshit, tedious posts mortem from so-called experts and, on top of that, the sedentary spectacle of 22 prats kicking a ball about on a bit of grass.....

What the hell is all the fuss about?

Well actually, I've done a bit of research and it transpires that all this this is to stop us killing each other. No. Really. It's true. I'll explain :

When we all lived in caves or mud huts in the jungle, tribes used to attack each other in order to stop the other tribe hunting on their ground, stealing their stuff or shagging their women.

As we got more 'sophisticated' and developed into countries, we invented war so that we could stop other countries grabbing our colonies, taking our resources or shagging our women.

Now we are even more sophisticated and have football. So now we get to watch our representatives (formally aka warriors or armies) kicking the shit out of each other on a football pitch. So now we have wars where we just sit and watch and don't get hurt ourselves.

Now that's civilisation for you.

Personally, I'll be glad when it's all over and we can have some regular (oops! nearly said decent) telly back.

And soon, I get to write another piece about the next boring load of old bollocks - the Olympics! Oh, deep joy...