Norwich - More culture in a pot of yoghurt

Apparently, Norwich is hopeful of becoming the first "UK City of Culture" in 2013.

Unbelievable in itself - were it not for the fact that that the other three contenders are Birmingham, Sheffield and Londonderry - so as far as I am see the short list committee must be living in Outer Mongolia. Whatever, they have clearly never been to Norwich.

So what can we say in Norwich's favour?

It's got a Cathedral, a bit of a castle and a John Lewis. It's a city. Er, that's about it?.....

I believe Jeremy Clarkson summed it all up when he said that you always knew when you'd arrived in Nofolk because you passed a sign that said "Beware! 'Ere be witches". And, he went on to say, "When I drive my car anywhere else, people say 'Look, that's a Cosworth' but in Norfolk they say 'Look, there's a car'." Guess Jeremy is not one of the supporting celebrities, then?

No. The campaign is being supported by none other than Stephen Fry, a well loved national treasure! Can I perhaps point out that if treasure needed to be buried, Norfolk would be a good place?

Stephen is highly enthusiastic - well, he does need to film "Kingdom" up there, so best not rock the boat. He is also, apparently, "proud to be able to tell people I support the football club."

Ah, yes. The football club. Norwich has a great football team. Well, no actually. And just when you thought they couldn't get any worse, remember they have none other than Delia Smith as a director. So watch what you say or I'll get her to patronise you!

So what do we get with this accolade then? Well, "The programme would deliver education programmes, skills development opportunities, a volunteering network, the country’s first citywide free data download zone, new community provisions and literacy and education targets for the city’s young people." Yes, well you can't have too many targets, programmes and opportunities, can you?

What else? Well, as Chris Gribble, chief executive of the Writers’ Centre Norwich, adds: “We estimate that the UK City of Culture award will bring over £215 million into the city’s economy."

OK. Gotcha. It's basically all a load of marketing spin to make money. As it was all thought up by the previous government, why am I not surprised?