At last! A policy all the parties agree on...

The three main parties leaders issued a joint statement today having agreed to introduce a new 'Gravity Offset Levy" in the next Parliament

The leaders shake hands on their historic agreement
while demonstrating first hand the effects of their policy

A Bill will be introduced in the next Parliament which will prove that the UK leads the world in tackling environmental problems.

The statement said "We have complete cross party agreement to introduce a new Gravity Offset Levy which will enable the UK to reduce its gravity by 10% in real terms. Reducing our gravity in this way will have the following immediate beneficial effects :

• Vehicle pollution will be reduced as everyone knows that lighter vehicles use less fuel. This will also apply to aircraft and diesel railway engines.
• Lower fuel consumption also addresses the growing unrest over petrol prices
• Wind turbines will spin faster as the blades will weigh less, thus improving their generating efficiency
• Everyone will be fitter as less effort will be required to walk, run and lift things
• Our newborn children will be less obese, as they will grow taller and thinner
• Our cricket team will win more matches as they will be able to hit the ball further
• Productivity will improve as everyday tasks will require less effort

And all this can be achieved with a modest per house levy of only £5,000 per annum which will be automatically added to Council Tax bills. It will enable us to half the National Debt within the lifetime of the next Parliament without us having to make any cuts in public spending."

Gordon Brown commented, "This is such an obvious new tax that I cannot believe I never thought of it before" whilst David Cameron added, "It's a fair tax as it effects everyone equally and everyone gets the same benefit."

For the Liberal Democrats, Nick Clegg added "It's not a new idea. We proposed it in our last manifesto but we are pleased the other main parties have finally adopted it."

Of course, not everyone is happy. The Green Party dismissed it as just another stealth tax masquerading as environmentalism, and Weight Watchers complained it would ruin their business.