Light bulb, light bulb burning bright...

It's official. Today Britain is a darker place to live in . We've known for some time that the Fourth Reich wanted to plunge this country back into darkness - and now they've achieved it!

They banned the 100 watt incandescent lightbulb - I have a secret store, but don't tell anyone - and know they've banned the 60 watt as well. I shall be out later today buying up all the old stock at my local supermarket.

And it seems I'm not alone. The newspapers have been reporting that Britons have been buying up these things like they're going out of fashion! (Oops! They are though aren't they?). Just take a look at the internet and see how many sellers have been stockpiling the bloody things and now hope to make a killing.

So why is this happening? Well, it's all to do with global warming, apparently. This is a subject, you will have gathered, that gets right up my nose. See yesterday's post for example. Well, that's cobblers. It's about control. It's about authoritarianism. It's about killing off democracy.

Nobody much likes these things. They take time to warm up, give off an inferior or often yellowing light, they're expensive and many can't be used with a dimmer switch. I have seven dimmer switches in my house if you count the four bedside ones that are touch sensitive and work on three levels.

But we have to have them because Brussels says so. It really doesn't matter what the people of this country want. It's a glowing example (sorry for the pun!) of this country being told what to do by foreigners. It's the democratic wishes of the people of this country being over-ruled and ignored. It's all that bad about the EU.

And the worse thing is that this government doesn't have the balls to represent it's electorate and just tell Brussels to sod off!...

(There's a nice article in the Telegraph you can read if you want to know more - just click here)

Light bulb, light bulb burning bright...

It's official. Today Britain is a darker place to live in . We've known for some time that the Fourth Reich wanted to plunge this country back into darkness - and now they've achieved it!

They banned the 100 watt incandescent lightbulb - I have a secret store, but don't tell anyone - and know they've banned the 60 watt as well. I shall be out later today buying up all the old stock at my local supermarket.

And it seems I'm not alone. The newspapers have been reporting that Britons have been buying up these things like they're going out of fashion! (Oops! They are though aren't they?). Just take a look at the internet and see how many sellers have been stockpiling the bloody things and now hope to make a killing.

So why is this happening? Well, it's all to do with global warming, apparently. This is a subject, you will have gathered, that gets right up my nose. See yesterday's post for example. Well, that's cobblers. It's about control. It's about authoritarianism. It's about killing off democracy.

Nobody much likes these things. They take time to warm up, give off an inferior or often yellowing light, they're expensive and many can't be used with a dimmer switch. I have seven dimmer switches in my house if you count the four bedside ones that are touch sensitive and work on three levels.

But we have to have them because Brussels says so. It really doesn't matter what the people of this country want. It's a glowing example (sorry for the pun!) of this country being told what to do by foreigners. It's the democratic wishes of the people of this country being over-ruled and ignored. It's all that bad about the EU.

And the worse thing is that this government doesn't have the balls to represent it's electorate and just tell Brussels to sod off!...

(There's a nice article in the Telegraph you can read if you want to know more - just click here)

An absence of technology

My arse is duly frozen, but I have made it back in one piece from the frozen wastes of Spitzbergen.

It was a humbling experience in many ways; a tribute to the human spirit encapsulated in amazing tales of survival against all odds, a testament to human stupidity and vanity as captured by the most amazing attempts to be the first to reach the north pole, and an eyeopener as to how human greed can destroy everything it touches. It has literally touched my life, if that doesn't sound too pretentious?

But the most interesting thing that I noticed was the way in which the modern human - especially the men - react when you take away their toys...

Many could not bear to be parted from their technological crutches, using their iPhones to take pictures even though they had excellent cameras around their necks. iPads were being used for playing games in the boring moments. Texts were being written just so they could be queued up and sent when 'civilisation' returned.

The picture above is a modern hut in use by a bunch of Polish scientists at Hyttavika in Eastern Svalbard. They have just spend several weeks there studying geology in the area. The inside is remarkable in that whilst it is amazingly cozy, there are absolutely no home comforts to speak of and it is staggeringly compact. And this is a modern hut, so just think what it was like 200 years ago trying to survive the Arctic winter. This is modern technology up here!

I spent ten days in the high arctic. As I write this I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what has been going on in the outside world. There is no internet connection, no mobile phone signal and we did not see another ship or living sole for 6 days on the trot. Up here you are on your own and you are totally cut off.

This focuses the mind. It makes you realize what is really important. You do not want to break an ankle here, or get attacked by a bear, or squashed by a walrus - they're aggressive buggers! - or get charged by a reindeer.

And I am not exaggerating. We had armed guards with high powered rifles watching for bears. One day, we encountered 5...

In many ways, I was sorry when we had to leave, but what really made me laugh was the sigh of relief on the faces of many of my fellow passengers when the phones came back on! They just couldn't wait to text and phone people for no apparent reason other than to reassure themselves that their comfort blankets were once again working.

When I read the stories of the intrepid - if somewhat foolhardy - arctic explorers it does indeed make me reflect on just how hooked we have become on things that, at the end of the day, are really quite irrelevant...

An absence of technology

My arse is duly frozen, but I have made it back in one piece from the frozen wastes of Spitzbergen.

It was a humbling experience in many ways; a tribute to the human spirit encapsulated in amazing tales of survival against all odds, a testament to human stupidity and vanity as captured by the most amazing attempts to be the first to reach the north pole, and an eyeopener as to how human greed can destroy everything it touches. It has literally touched my life, if that doesn't sound too pretentious?

But the most interesting thing that I noticed was the way in which the modern human - especially the men - react when you take away their toys...

Many could not bear to be parted from their technological crutches, using their iPhones to take pictures even though they had excellent cameras around their necks. iPads were being used for playing games in the boring moments. Texts were being written just so they could be queued up and sent when 'civilisation' returned.

The picture above is a modern hut in use by a bunch of Polish scientists at Hyttavika in Eastern Svalbard. They have just spend several weeks there studying geology in the area. The inside is remarkable in that whilst it is amazingly cozy, there are absolutely no home comforts to speak of and it is staggeringly compact. And this is a modern hut, so just think what it was like 200 years ago trying to survive the Arctic winter. This is modern technology up here!

I spent ten days in the high arctic. As I write this I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what has been going on in the outside world. There is no internet connection, no mobile phone signal and we did not see another ship or living sole for 6 days on the trot. Up here you are on your own and you are totally cut off.

This focuses the mind. It makes you realize what is really important. You do not want to break an ankle here, or get attacked by a bear, or squashed by a walrus - they're aggressive buggers! - or get charged by a reindeer.

And I am not exaggerating. We had armed guards with high powered rifles watching for bears. One day, we encountered 5...

In many ways, I was sorry when we had to leave, but what really made me laugh was the sigh of relief on the faces of many of my fellow passengers when the phones came back on! They just couldn't wait to text and phone people for no apparent reason other than to reassure themselves that their comfort blankets were once again working.

When I read the stories of the intrepid - if somewhat foolhardy - arctic explorers it does indeed make me reflect on just how hooked we have become on things that, at the end of the day, are really quite irrelevant...

The ecoRape of Norfolk

Once there was a time when you talked about rape in Norfolk and the image of vast fields of yellow crops blowing in the wind came to mind. But not any more...

I have just spent a few days in north Norfolk. I thought it would be nice to get away and experience the peace and tranquility of the countryside; to take in the panoramic views; to escape from technology to a slower pace of life.

Wrong!

There is a new kind of rape now in north Norfolk - ecoRape. You can't move in Norfolk without falling over bloody wind turbines. They're everywhere. Even the wheat fields have these festering carbuncles of failed technology growing in their midst.

And if you are foolish enough to go to the coast for a nice bit of Cromer crab or perhaps a stroll along the front at Sheringham, then there are even more of them! They have mounted telescopes along the promenade so you can watch the damn things being erected. In Sheringham, they have put up a shiny new exhibition centre for you to visit. Yes, the propaganda machine is in full swing in Norfolk.

Chris Huhne - you remember him? The bloke that's just been referred to the CPS for being a lying git? - says that we are 'blessed' in this country with 'more than our fair share of offshore wind'. I suspect that if we could harness the hot air he's giving off, we could do without the turbines? Well, he reckons that this technology is the saviour of our energy requirements and, of course, it's all amazingly green.

In the cottage we were staying at, there is a wind turbine in the front garden. The owner reckons that it is going to take him 20 years to recoup the outlay. By this time of course it will have worn out and most likely need replacing, but never mind. And naturally that pay back period assumes that the current level of subsidy for the electricity he sells back to the grid continues - which I sincerely doubt.

If you know anything about electricity, then you will know that AC current cannot be stored. It is simply generated and if not used then it is wasted. So if wind power is not consistently available, then the conventional generators have to take up the slack. And don't forget that you can't turn a nuclear, coal or gas powered power station on and off at the flick if a switch. You can only do that with hydro.

So the simple facts are that when the wind is blowing, you can back off the only other source of clean energy currently available - water. So are we saving the planet? No, I don't think so.

And they certainly fuck up the landscape...

The ecoRape of Norfolk

Once there was a time when you talked about rape in Norfolk and the image of vast fields of yellow crops blowing in the wind came to mind. But not any more...

I have just spent a few days in north Norfolk. I thought it would be nice to get away and experience the peace and tranquility of the countryside; to take in the panoramic views; to escape from technology to a slower pace of life.

Wrong!

There is a new kind of rape now in north Norfolk - ecoRape. You can't move in Norfolk without falling over bloody wind turbines. They're everywhere. Even the wheat fields have these festering carbuncles of failed technology growing in their midst.

And if you are foolish enough to go to the coast for a nice bit of Cromer crab or perhaps a stroll along the front at Sheringham, then there are even more of them! They have mounted telescopes along the promenade so you can watch the damn things being erected. In Sheringham, they have put up a shiny new exhibition centre for you to visit. Yes, the propaganda machine is in full swing in Norfolk.

Chris Huhne - you remember him? The bloke that's just been referred to the CPS for being a lying git? - says that we are 'blessed' in this country with 'more than our fair share of offshore wind'. I suspect that if we could harness the hot air he's giving off, we could do without the turbines? Well, he reckons that this technology is the saviour of our energy requirements and, of course, it's all amazingly green.

In the cottage we were staying at, there is a wind turbine in the front garden. The owner reckons that it is going to take him 20 years to recoup the outlay. By this time of course it will have worn out and most likely need replacing, but never mind. And naturally that pay back period assumes that the current level of subsidy for the electricity he sells back to the grid continues - which I sincerely doubt.

If you know anything about electricity, then you will know that AC current cannot be stored. It is simply generated and if not used then it is wasted. So if wind power is not consistently available, then the conventional generators have to take up the slack. And don't forget that you can't turn a nuclear, coal or gas powered power station on and off at the flick if a switch. You can only do that with hydro.

So the simple facts are that when the wind is blowing, you can back off the only other source of clean energy currently available - water. So are we saving the planet? No, I don't think so.

And they certainly fuck up the landscape...

Pointless technology : The Chromebook

Just once in a while, a product comes along where you think "What the fuck where they thinking when they designed that?"

The Google Chromebook is just such a product...

Now I'm all in favour of a laptop that boots up a little bit quicker than the 5 odd minutes my XP machine takes but, to be honest, it does give me time to make a cup of tea while it starts up and, when it's actually running, it does do the things that I want it to do.

The Chromebook on the other hand, doesn't. Let's look at some of the 'advantages' that are claimed for it :

"Chromebooks are always connected to internet." Well that might be true for you, but frankly where I live - which is not in the middle of nowhere - I think we need to add "provided there is a connection, otherwise you can't use it!"

"Your apps, documents, and settings are stored safely in the cloud" because there's no hard drive to keep them on. See comment above and, let's be honest, do you really want all you data stored on someone else's hard drive?

"Software updates itself" just like with Microsoft updates - which is why mine is disabled!

On top of all this there is no USB port and no printer driver. It comes with a card slot and 16Gb of solid state memory. If it's not on an app, then it doesn't run. No spreadsheets, no word processing. It won't run movies or play music. There's minimal storage except on the web. If you want to print anything, then you need an internet connected printer - and we've all got one of those!

And, of course, all the apps have to be obtained from Google.

As far as I can see, you can get a pretty good laptop, an iPad or a good NetBook for about the same price - so what's the point of it? It's a bit like an iPhone that doesn't make phone calls!

So if you want to impress your friends that you have the latest gadget and don't actually want to do any computing, then this is the perfect product for you...

Pointless technology : The Chromebook

Just once in a while, a product comes along where you think "What the fuck where they thinking when they designed that?"

The Google Chromebook is just such a product...

Now I'm all in favour of a laptop that boots up a little bit quicker than the 5 odd minutes my XP machine takes but, to be honest, it does give me time to make a cup of tea while it starts up and, when it's actually running, it does do the things that I want it to do.

The Chromebook on the other hand, doesn't. Let's look at some of the 'advantages' that are claimed for it :

"Chromebooks are always connected to internet." Well that might be true for you, but frankly where I live - which is not in the middle of nowhere - I think we need to add "provided there is a connection, otherwise you can't use it!"

"Your apps, documents, and settings are stored safely in the cloud" because there's no hard drive to keep them on. See comment above and, let's be honest, do you really want all you data stored on someone else's hard drive?

"Software updates itself" just like with Microsoft updates - which is why mine is disabled!

On top of all this there is no USB port and no printer driver. It comes with a card slot and 16Gb of solid state memory. If it's not on an app, then it doesn't run. No spreadsheets, no word processing. It won't run movies or play music. There's minimal storage except on the web. If you want to print anything, then you need an internet connected printer - and we've all got one of those!

And, of course, all the apps have to be obtained from Google.

As far as I can see, you can get a pretty good laptop, an iPad or a good NetBook for about the same price - so what's the point of it? It's a bit like an iPhone that doesn't make phone calls!

So if you want to impress your friends that you have the latest gadget and don't actually want to do any computing, then this is the perfect product for you...

Pointless Software - Tesco SatNav

You know, just once in a while I read about something and it occurs to me that someone failed to ask one of the most poinient questions known to the English language - "Why?"

Now I am an ardent fan of technology - not - but I will admit just once in a while something comes along where I think to myself "You know, that could be really useful!" Unfortunately, this isn't one of those moments.

Admittedly Tesco has some big stores and it just might be difficult to find things so some bright spark has come up with a great idea. Let's use in store SatNav through your mobile phone. The idea is that you enter your shopping list into your phone and then the system in the store will direct you through the shop to exactly the items you want by the most efficient route. Fantastic!

Trouble is that it will probably take you considerably longer to enter the list into the phone than the extra time - if any - that it would have taken you to simply walk up and down the aisles in the first place.

And, of course, don't kid yourself it's free, because even if you ignore the cost of the call, there's the application that Tesco will sell you to make it all work in the first place.

So what do Tesco say about all this?

Nick Lansley, head of research and development for Tesco, said “The new service is able to show you where all your wanted products are on a store map, show you where you are on that map, and guide you round the store to pick up your products using the shortest route.”


He added: “We won't be rolling this out to customers in general for a while because we have to think about how useful it's going to be. The system involves a lot of infrastructure installation in the stores so we need to get all kinds of people involved in thinking about the customer experience. It would be awful if we did all this work but few customers really used it.”

Quite...

Pointless Software - Tesco SatNav

You know, just once in a while I read about something and it occurs to me that someone failed to ask one of the most poinient questions known to the English language - "Why?"

Now I am an ardent fan of technology - not - but I will admit just once in a while something comes along where I think to myself "You know, that could be really useful!" Unfortunately, this isn't one of those moments.

Admittedly Tesco has some big stores and it just might be difficult to find things so some bright spark has come up with a great idea. Let's use in store SatNav through your mobile phone. The idea is that you enter your shopping list into your phone and then the system in the store will direct you through the shop to exactly the items you want by the most efficient route. Fantastic!

Trouble is that it will probably take you considerably longer to enter the list into the phone than the extra time - if any - that it would have taken you to simply walk up and down the aisles in the first place.

And, of course, don't kid yourself it's free, because even if you ignore the cost of the call, there's the application that Tesco will sell you to make it all work in the first place.

So what do Tesco say about all this?

Nick Lansley, head of research and development for Tesco, said “The new service is able to show you where all your wanted products are on a store map, show you where you are on that map, and guide you round the store to pick up your products using the shortest route.”


He added: “We won't be rolling this out to customers in general for a while because we have to think about how useful it's going to be. The system involves a lot of infrastructure installation in the stores so we need to get all kinds of people involved in thinking about the customer experience. It would be awful if we did all this work but few customers really used it.”

Quite...

The Electronic Wallet

Are you havin' a larf?!?

I have just been bullied by my local U3A into paying my subs by standing order because they don't want to accept cheques because they are being phased out 'in the near future'.

Follow that by only being able to access my bank by Internet to set this up and then being forced to have a mobile phone so they can text me a confirmation code and my piss is beginning to boil.

And then I turn on the 'Click' programme on the BBC to be confronted by some asshole telling me that the new generation of phones is going to replace just about everything. Apparently, it will hold money and act as a credit card - using, God help us, 'contactless technology'. Then they are saying it will act as our car keys and house keys, and God knows what else. 'The complete electronic wallet is coming soon' they tell us.

Well, that's fine for geeks, but lets look at it from a practical point of view. 'Everyone has a mobile phone' they say. Well, no actually. Mrs D doesn't have one and won't even use mine. I have a basic pay as you go that I bought 10 years ago when I was working and agents used to ring me about contracts.

The only reason I don't bin it is because I have a 16 year old car and I keep it in the glove box in case I break down. Otherwise I would have no use for it.

Two years ago, I out £10 on it - and I still have £4.36 in credit.

So, I am out with my electronic wallet and the battery fails, or someone nicks it, or I lose it, or - shurely not - it just stops working. That leaves me no car keys, no house keys, no money, no credit card and, of course, no way of ringing anyone for help.

Like the NHS computer system, it's a turkey that will never fly...

The Electronic Wallet

Are you havin' a larf?!?

I have just been bullied by my local U3A into paying my subs by standing order because they don't want to accept cheques because they are being phased out 'in the near future'.

Follow that by only being able to access my bank by Internet to set this up and then being forced to have a mobile phone so they can text me a confirmation code and my piss is beginning to boil.

And then I turn on the 'Click' programme on the BBC to be confronted by some asshole telling me that the new generation of phones is going to replace just about everything. Apparently, it will hold money and act as a credit card - using, God help us, 'contactless technology'. Then they are saying it will act as our car keys and house keys, and God knows what else. 'The complete electronic wallet is coming soon' they tell us.

Well, that's fine for geeks, but lets look at it from a practical point of view. 'Everyone has a mobile phone' they say. Well, no actually. Mrs D doesn't have one and won't even use mine. I have a basic pay as you go that I bought 10 years ago when I was working and agents used to ring me about contracts.

The only reason I don't bin it is because I have a 16 year old car and I keep it in the glove box in case I break down. Otherwise I would have no use for it.

Two years ago, I out £10 on it - and I still have £4.36 in credit.

So, I am out with my electronic wallet and the battery fails, or someone nicks it, or I lose it, or - shurely not - it just stops working. That leaves me no car keys, no house keys, no money, no credit card and, of course, no way of ringing anyone for help.

Like the NHS computer system, it's a turkey that will never fly...

The NHS computer system

Back last year, I wrote a piece about totally crap software and how the government is totally incapable of specifying an IT system and is much less capable of delivering the project within budget and time scales, so it comes as no surprise to find that the latest multi-billion pound white elephant is to be subjected to yet another review.

One of the major problems with commissioning work from third party contractors is that there is no incentive to deliver the system. Every time the spec changes - which happens with government work continually - the price changes and, of course, if it doesn't work properly after delivery then there is the endless debate about what is and isn't chargeable. I liken it to driving your shiny new BMW off the forecourt only to find it breaks down 50 yards up the road and then being told you will be charged to fix it because it wasn't being driven properly.

The National Audit Office started to suspect this thing wasn't going to fly as long ago as August 2004 as you can see from their typically understated concerns here on the BBC website. In February 2007, the Daily Telegraph decided that it was doomed to failure and quoted senior sources at Fujitsu - one of the major suppliers - as voicing concern at the direction of the NHS programme and the lack of vision on how the health service can make best use of new technology.

"What we are trying to do is run an enormous programme with the techniques that we are absolutely familiar with for running small projects. And it isn't working. And it isn't going to work," he told his audience.

As with all things of this nature, there comes a time when the contractor and the government aren't going to agree and,as, usual, the government is going to blame the people who actually know what they are talking about so in May 2008, Fujitsu were fired. At this stage the project was already four years behind schedule.
So far the costs had escalated from £6.7 billion to £12 billion with worse news still to come when in January 2009, the Guardian reported that the system was on brink of failure, something which should cone as no surprise as some people had been on record as saying this for years. However, the issue refused to lay quietly around and die as hundreds of junior doctors were having their job applications screwed up!
 
So here we are in 2011, and the costs are now estimated at £20 billion and, according to the BBC, "things are getting worse"

The response? Well, the government announced there will be a review of the project. This is due to start this week.

Tory MP Richard Bacon, a member of the House of Commons' Public Accounts Committee and long-standing critic of the plans, said: "It is perfectly clear that throwing more money at the problem will not work. This turkey will never fly and it is time the Department of Health faced reality and channelled the remaining funds into something useful that will actually benefit patients. The largest civilian IT project in the world has failed."

But the Department of Health said while the original vision "was flawed", the project still had the potential to deliver value for money.

Yeah, right...

The NHS computer system

Back last year, I wrote a piece about totally crap software and how the government is totally incapable of specifying an IT system and is much less capable of delivering the project within budget and time scales, so it comes as no surprise to find that the latest multi-billion pound white elephant is to be subjected to yet another review.

One of the major problems with commissioning work from third party contractors is that there is no incentive to deliver the system. Every time the spec changes - which happens with government work continually - the price changes and, of course, if it doesn't work properly after delivery then there is the endless debate about what is and isn't chargeable. I liken it to driving your shiny new BMW off the forecourt only to find it breaks down 50 yards up the road and then being told you will be charged to fix it because it wasn't being driven properly.

The National Audit Office started to suspect this thing wasn't going to fly as long ago as August 2004 as you can see from their typically understated concerns here on the BBC website. In February 2007, the Daily Telegraph decided that it was doomed to failure and quoted senior sources at Fujitsu - one of the major suppliers - as voicing concern at the direction of the NHS programme and the lack of vision on how the health service can make best use of new technology.

"What we are trying to do is run an enormous programme with the techniques that we are absolutely familiar with for running small projects. And it isn't working. And it isn't going to work," he told his audience.

As with all things of this nature, there comes a time when the contractor and the government aren't going to agree and,as, usual, the government is going to blame the people who actually know what they are talking about so in May 2008, Fujitsu were fired. At this stage the project was already four years behind schedule.
So far the costs had escalated from £6.7 billion to £12 billion with worse news still to come when in January 2009, the Guardian reported that the system was on brink of failure, something which should cone as no surprise as some people had been on record as saying this for years. However, the issue refused to lay quietly around and die as hundreds of junior doctors were having their job applications screwed up!
 
So here we are in 2011, and the costs are now estimated at £20 billion and, according to the BBC, "things are getting worse"

The response? Well, the government announced there will be a review of the project. This is due to start this week.

Tory MP Richard Bacon, a member of the House of Commons' Public Accounts Committee and long-standing critic of the plans, said: "It is perfectly clear that throwing more money at the problem will not work. This turkey will never fly and it is time the Department of Health faced reality and channelled the remaining funds into something useful that will actually benefit patients. The largest civilian IT project in the world has failed."

But the Department of Health said while the original vision "was flawed", the project still had the potential to deliver value for money.

Yeah, right...

Gadgets

OK, I will admit that when it comes to the latest newfangled gadgets, I am a bit of a Luddite. I don't actually want a phone that takes pictures because I have a camera that does that. Similarly, I don't want a camera with GPS in it because I know where I am. I don't want to access the Internet my phone because it's expensive and the display is too small to read.

Having said that, I can understand that reading a book on a Kindle is quite convenient and that it is a fraction of the size and weight of half a dozen paperbacks - although I am at a loss as to why it costs £110 and some of the books you can download are actually cheaper in paper form.

This brings me neatly round the subject of a new iPad. I admire its compactness, but not it's price tag. Added to this it seems to me to lack the basics I looked for a computer such as a card slot or a USB port. One of my fellow guests on the cruise I have just done has the latest iPad. Every day he transfers the pictures off his camera onto the iPad. I don't understand why he does this because they could just as easily stay on the memory card until we get home, but to each his own.

To transfer the pictures, he needs to buy a dongle from Apple. This is where I get to say how much I admire Apple's marketing skills. They make all their ports proprietary, so you have to buy a lot of dongles to make them work with non Apple products. The iPad itself might be small and neat, but you need a separate bag for all the attachments.

A while back I bought an MP3 player. The iPod is very neat but it costs a fortune compared to a Creative Zen. The Zen does the same job in a fraction of the price. Also, the Zen doesn't force you to use iTunes and it has an expansion slot that takes a standard SD card in case I fill up the main memory. This turned out to be much easier to do than I thought.

Style and marketing made Apple what it is and, don't get me wrong, they make a quality product. However, like all great bands you can are often do as well or better by looking past the logo and into the specifications.

To prove that point I am currently considering buying a Skoda. How brand unconscious in that?!?

Gadgets

OK, I will admit that when it comes to the latest newfangled gadgets, I am a bit of a Luddite. I don't actually want a phone that takes pictures because I have a camera that does that. Similarly, I don't want a camera with GPS in it because I know where I am. I don't want to access the Internet my phone because it's expensive and the display is too small to read.

Having said that, I can understand that reading a book on a Kindle is quite convenient and that it is a fraction of the size and weight of half a dozen paperbacks - although I am at a loss as to why it costs £110 and some of the books you can download are actually cheaper in paper form.

This brings me neatly round the subject of a new iPad. I admire its compactness, but not it's price tag. Added to this it seems to me to lack the basics I looked for a computer such as a card slot or a USB port. One of my fellow guests on the cruise I have just done has the latest iPad. Every day he transfers the pictures off his camera onto the iPad. I don't understand why he does this because they could just as easily stay on the memory card until we get home, but to each his own.

To transfer the pictures, he needs to buy a dongle from Apple. This is where I get to say how much I admire Apple's marketing skills. They make all their ports proprietary, so you have to buy a lot of dongles to make them work with non Apple products. The iPad itself might be small and neat, but you need a separate bag for all the attachments.

A while back I bought an MP3 player. The iPod is very neat but it costs a fortune compared to a Creative Zen. The Zen does the same job in a fraction of the price. Also, the Zen doesn't force you to use iTunes and it has an expansion slot that takes a standard SD card in case I fill up the main memory. This turned out to be much easier to do than I thought.

Style and marketing made Apple what it is and, don't get me wrong, they make a quality product. However, like all great bands you can are often do as well or better by looking past the logo and into the specifications.

To prove that point I am currently considering buying a Skoda. How brand unconscious in that?!?

New Apple product launched

Apple today launched the perfect present for the lady in your life - a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iBoob will cost from £299 to £499, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

New Apple product launched

Apple today launched the perfect present for the lady in your life - a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iBoob will cost from £299 to £499, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Friday humour

Shamelessly nicked from here

Friday humour

Shamelessly nicked from here