Storytime

The boy is learning the bones in the body. He forgot his book at school (of course) and asks me what he should do. I tell him he needs a diagram and then explain it is an illustration that helps you understand something. We find him one and the day goes on and in the afternoon I am getting frustrated because I can't get blogger to allow me to upload photos. The boy asks, "what's wrong" and I tell him I can't figure out to get Rob to do what I want and the boy says, "maybe you need a diaphragm". Maybe?

The boy says his tummy hurts and wants to know what he should do. I tell him I don't know I'm not a doctor. Later, he asks me how to say one of the names of the bones he is studying and I tell him, I don't know, I'm not a doctor. Then, a cousin of mine shows up and asks me again to explain all the Robert Pattinson posters on the walls when the boy pipes up, "she can't explain it you, she's no doctor". Does this imply that I am crazy or the cousin? Never mind, I don't think I want to know.

The boy has a favorite new game it's called "hide and jump out screaming and scare the fuck out of Auntie". I was in the shower the other day and finished, I pulled the curtain back and there's the boy screaming, "boo". I fall out the shower and while falling I accidentally hit the boy. Sis gets mad and yells at me, says I hit him on purpose. I did not hit him on purpose, when I do I'm gonna own that shit and by the way, how old am I? Never mind. Let's move on. So as much the boy may deserved to be hit, I did not hit an 8 year old boy. I eat his mom's last candy bar and put the wrapper in his lunch box. That's right. Mess with me.

Resume

Below is the resume for the Robsessed. 

Career Objective

Robert Pattinson's personal ball washer. But I'll take what I can get till then.

Summary of Skills

- Ability to type about 25 word per minute, 35 with caffeinated coffee, 75 if it's about Rob.

- Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year as long as there is unlimited internet access.

- I am a great team (Robert) player.

- I am creative, dependable, and housebroken.

- I have eight arms and eight legs with excellent interweb skills.

- I can adapt to just about any environment from cubicles to fancy IKEA desks.

- It's best for employers that I not work with people.

- I procrastinate, especially when the task is un-Rob-related.

- Marital status: Committed to a guy who has no idea I exist.

- I will contribute strengths in talking about Rob Pattinson, reading about Rob Pattinson, dozing off during meetings that are not about Rob Pattinson, tardiness because of Robert Pattinson, and entertaining fellow employees about Robert Pattinson.

Personal Interests

- Go Team Pattinson!

-  Writing a Robert Pattinson blog

- Tweeting Rob Pattinson pictures.

- Photoshopping Robert Pattinson.

- Making Rob Pattinson videos.

- Reading fanfiction about Robert Pattinson.

- Daydreaming about Robert Pattinson.

- I also like Robert Pattinson.

Reasons for leaving the last job

Not enough time for Robert Pattinson.

Where I See Myself In Five Years

With my career goal achieved I will be anxious to spread my...um...wings in all directions. Working closely with my employer he'll eagerly ooh and aah over my experience. I will overlook no areas to ensure an overwhelming success.

 

 

Information I Need

I'm not going to start bitching tonight, I'm just going to show my new vid which I feel is very fitting. And then, I might bitch about something else.

Did you know that word press was a fucking comedian? The other night I'm adding the new terms from last week to the original glossary that shows up there in that little window that conveniently says, "Rob Glossary". When suddenly, everything disappeared. No terms. No definitions. No pretty pics. I started laughing. Come on out here Ashton, you can't punk me! When Ashton didn't show it did not surprise me, he never does for the little people. Still, no film crew, no cameras. What the hell? My laughing may have turned to sobs. After a full three minutes of blank screen and crying I begun to pray and a minute later when that didn't work I might have thrown a temper tantrum, kicking and cursing like a 3-year-old with Tourette's.

Then magically the sun shown down and I think I saw some glitter and it was all back.

Obviously Ashton is operating wordpress now and therefore I am moving the park to blogger. Rob and I are super excited about the move, which will take place sometime around the holidays. While I pack and arrange, Rob had graciously agreed to sing for me. The lovely and talented Mrs. Vanquish has been enlisted to design the new layout. She doesn't even seem to mind what a complete idiot I am. Probably because she is brilliant enough for the both of us. Thank fuck.

Now I wish that someone had informed me of the Kutcher situation beforehand and I find that this is true in a lot of instances. I seem to be lacking in the information I need category, yet I am a plethera of useless knowledge. Here are some other things I'd like to have info on in advance.

If you are a drama queen that likes the smell of stirred shit, I'd like to know about that.

If you are the type of person who the cops have on speed dial. Police call twice a week and just go, "wait outside, we're on our way." That seems like something I should know.

If your parents were cousins and now you are your own cousin. I might need to know that.

If everyone in Wal-Mart is going to lose their damn mind and start stampeding for the same item. That would be information I need.

If you are unable to drive under 100 mph and you take corners on two wheels. I want to know.

If you have ever driven your drunk father to your moms parole hearing. Email me, we might be related.

If you are a little bit crazy and your life is pretty much one fuck up after another. Let me know, we should be friends.