Martian wife swapping

The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another... Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

Martian wife swapping

The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another... Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

Courts to decide Catholic abuse liability

Is the Roman Catholic church liable if it's priests commit acts of sexual abuse?

That's the question which is being tested in the High Court which has been asked to decide if the relationship between a bishop and his priests is the same as that between employer and employee.

The case arose after a woman brought a case against the diocese of Portsmouth, alleging that one of its priests had abused her while she was a resident at a Catholic children's home. The hearing will focus on the issue of corporate liability.

Her cousel argue that "In effect, priests are carrying out their working assigned to them by their bishop and furthering the cause of the diocese. He was dependent on the bishop to assign him a post and to control when he moved from one post to another and even to control when he was permitted to retire. The degree of control was, if anything, in excess of that in the typical employer/employee relationship."

If the answer is "yes, there is a relationship", then was the priest carrying out the actions complained of in circumstances that were "closely connected" with his role and/or work as a priest?

If the answer was "no" there would be "no circumstances where the Roman Catholic church is liable for the actions of one of its priests whether deliberate or careless and however closely connected those actions were to the role of priest".

The diocese denies liability and is defending itself against the claim. A ruling in its favour would mean the church could avoid paying compensation to victims of clerical sexual abuse.

( You can read more about this story in the Guardian by clicking here )

Courts to decide Catholic abuse liability

Is the Roman Catholic church liable if it's priests commit acts of sexual abuse?

That's the question which is being tested in the High Court which has been asked to decide if the relationship between a bishop and his priests is the same as that between employer and employee.

The case arose after a woman brought a case against the diocese of Portsmouth, alleging that one of its priests had abused her while she was a resident at a Catholic children's home. The hearing will focus on the issue of corporate liability.

Her cousel argue that "In effect, priests are carrying out their working assigned to them by their bishop and furthering the cause of the diocese. He was dependent on the bishop to assign him a post and to control when he moved from one post to another and even to control when he was permitted to retire. The degree of control was, if anything, in excess of that in the typical employer/employee relationship."

If the answer is "yes, there is a relationship", then was the priest carrying out the actions complained of in circumstances that were "closely connected" with his role and/or work as a priest?

If the answer was "no" there would be "no circumstances where the Roman Catholic church is liable for the actions of one of its priests whether deliberate or careless and however closely connected those actions were to the role of priest".

The diocese denies liability and is defending itself against the claim. A ruling in its favour would mean the church could avoid paying compensation to victims of clerical sexual abuse.

( You can read more about this story in the Guardian by clicking here )

Evening classes for men

OPEN TO MEN ONLY

ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;

DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK

OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL

Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place

instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -

Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;

DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;

BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY

AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;

BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN

YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES

& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;

LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counselors available

Evening classes for men

OPEN TO MEN ONLY

ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;

DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK

OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL

Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place

instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -

Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;

DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;

BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY

AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;

BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN

YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES

& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;

LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counselors available

No sex tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I took the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis outfit when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, darling.'

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?'

I then said 'Darling! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you ?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

No sex tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I took the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis outfit when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, darling.'

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?'

I then said 'Darling! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you ?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

iThought for the day...

iThought for the day...

Anyone for a blow job?

There are thousands of disappointed football fans in the Netherlands.

"But of course there are!" I hear you say. "They lost the World Cup Final."

Ah - but that's not all. Dutch porn star Bobbi Eden offered to give all her Twitter followers oral sex if they won. But they didn't...

Prior to the match, Eden wrote: "If Netherlands wins the worldcup I will give a BJ to all my followers." After some quizzed her about the offer, she confirmed "I will give them a free Blow Job :)... It is real! BJ for all followers."

"Details on how to collect your Blow Job will be given on Monday after the worldcup final! Go team BJ... My body is throbbing with all the excitement!"

After making the offer, Eden could claim over 64,688 Twitter followers, up from 4,804 the day before.

That's a lot of disappointed Dutchmen...

Anyone for a blow job?

There are thousands of disappointed football fans in the Netherlands.

"But of course there are!" I hear you say. "They lost the World Cup Final."

Ah - but that's not all. Dutch porn star Bobbi Eden offered to give all her Twitter followers oral sex if they won. But they didn't...

Prior to the match, Eden wrote: "If Netherlands wins the worldcup I will give a BJ to all my followers." After some quizzed her about the offer, she confirmed "I will give them a free Blow Job :)... It is real! BJ for all followers."

"Details on how to collect your Blow Job will be given on Monday after the worldcup final! Go team BJ... My body is throbbing with all the excitement!"

After making the offer, Eden could claim over 64,688 Twitter followers, up from 4,804 the day before.

That's a lot of disappointed Dutchmen...