Richard the Turd at the TUC

Personally I like a good speech and it seems that this week's TUC has been sorely lacking, so here's one that Shakespeare wrote earlier...

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious by these sons of Marx;
And all the clouds that lour'd on Congress House
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
Now are our brows furrowed with rebellious thoughts;
Our bruised arms holding up the placards;
Our braziers warm the merry pickets,
Our dreadful marches seek to change their measures.
Grim-visag'd war doth come to save our pensions;
And now,--instead of mounting barbed steeds
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,--
We carry banners and chant before their House
To the endless barracking of marchers.
But we that are shaped for cunning tricks
Are made to court the lustings of power
We that are rudely stamped upon, and court our members
And strut before the wanton media
We are curtail'd of fair proportion,
And cheat and lieth by our very nature
Are deform'd, unfinish'd, sent upon this time
To spread these stories scarce half made up,
And those so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs would piss on us as we march by.
No power we in this weak piping time of peace,
Unless we strike to pass away the time,
And flex our muscles before the camera's eye
Reflecting on our paltry cause
And therefore,--since we cannot prove our case,
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,--
We are determined to find a villain,
On whom to blame the evil measures now proposed.
Plots have we laid, inductions dangerous,
By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams,
To set our masters and their opposition
In deadly hate the one against the other:
And if their measures are proved as true and just
Then we must false, and treacherous, be
Our days of protest closely be mew'd up,--
About a prophecy which says that we
Our country's prospects the murderer shall be.
Dive, thoughts, down to my soul...

Years ahead of his time, that boy...

Richard the Turd at the TUC

Personally I like a good speech and it seems that this week's TUC has been sorely lacking, so here's one that Shakespeare wrote earlier...

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious by these sons of Marx;
And all the clouds that lour'd on Congress House
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
Now are our brows furrowed with rebellious thoughts;
Our bruised arms holding up the placards;
Our braziers warm the merry pickets,
Our dreadful marches seek to change their measures.
Grim-visag'd war doth come to save our pensions;
And now,--instead of mounting barbed steeds
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,--
We carry banners and chant before their House
To the endless barracking of marchers.
But we that are shaped for cunning tricks
Are made to court the lustings of power
We that are rudely stamped upon, and court our members
And strut before the wanton media
We are curtail'd of fair proportion,
And cheat and lieth by our very nature
Are deform'd, unfinish'd, sent upon this time
To spread these stories scarce half made up,
And those so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs would piss on us as we march by.
No power we in this weak piping time of peace,
Unless we strike to pass away the time,
And flex our muscles before the camera's eye
Reflecting on our paltry cause
And therefore,--since we cannot prove our case,
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,--
We are determined to find a villain,
On whom to blame the evil measures now proposed.
Plots have we laid, inductions dangerous,
By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams,
To set our masters and their opposition
In deadly hate the one against the other:
And if their measures are proved as true and just
Then we must false, and treacherous, be
Our days of protest closely be mew'd up,--
About a prophecy which says that we
Our country's prospects the murderer shall be.
Dive, thoughts, down to my soul...

Years ahead of his time, that boy...

Scrounging bastards!

Personally, it came as no great surprise to me to find that 75% of people claiming sickness benefits are fit for work or drop their claim before facing strict new tests. This country has become a haven for people who stick out their hands, sit on their arses and are too bloody lazy to earn a living.

According to DWP figures, of the 2.6million people on incapacity benefit, a total of 1.9million could work. A further 17 per cent were found to be able to work at some point with the right support. Nine out of 10 were capable of employment.

The government has implemented its plan to test claimants to ensure that the claims they are making are genuine. 39% of the people it tested were deemed fit for work, so they stopped their benefit. Unfortunately, this now means that these scrounging bastards now get Jobseekers Allowance instead - but at least that's not opened ended!

More disturbingly, a further 39% withdrew their claims before starting or completing the evaluation process. You can draw your own conclusions from that one...

TUC general secretary Brendan Barber said: “The new incapacity benefit assessment is a much tougher test and is designed to save the Government money. It is therefore unsurprising that more disabled people have been declared fit for work. These figures certainly don’t suggest that thousands of disabled people are suddenly ‘trying it on’.”

You're quite Mr Barber. There's no 'suddenly' about it!

And the thing that makes me maddest about these scroungers is that there are people out there with genuine problems who need and deserve to be helped - and they are going to be tarred with the same brush and find it harder to get that help. The welfare state is fine in principal, but abuse like this just makes a mockery of it.

(You can read more about this subject in the Express by clicking here)

Scrounging bastards!

Personally, it came as no great surprise to me to find that 75% of people claiming sickness benefits are fit for work or drop their claim before facing strict new tests. This country has become a haven for people who stick out their hands, sit on their arses and are too bloody lazy to earn a living.

According to DWP figures, of the 2.6million people on incapacity benefit, a total of 1.9million could work. A further 17 per cent were found to be able to work at some point with the right support. Nine out of 10 were capable of employment.

The government has implemented its plan to test claimants to ensure that the claims they are making are genuine. 39% of the people it tested were deemed fit for work, so they stopped their benefit. Unfortunately, this now means that these scrounging bastards now get Jobseekers Allowance instead - but at least that's not opened ended!

More disturbingly, a further 39% withdrew their claims before starting or completing the evaluation process. You can draw your own conclusions from that one...

TUC general secretary Brendan Barber said: “The new incapacity benefit assessment is a much tougher test and is designed to save the Government money. It is therefore unsurprising that more disabled people have been declared fit for work. These figures certainly don’t suggest that thousands of disabled people are suddenly ‘trying it on’.”

You're quite Mr Barber. There's no 'suddenly' about it!

And the thing that makes me maddest about these scroungers is that there are people out there with genuine problems who need and deserve to be helped - and they are going to be tarred with the same brush and find it harder to get that help. The welfare state is fine in principal, but abuse like this just makes a mockery of it.

(You can read more about this subject in the Express by clicking here)

Customer support

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said 'Mister manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar replied 'The telephone goes green, green, and then I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar....'

Mujibar now works at a call centre.

I think I spoke to him earlier this week...

Customer support

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said 'Mister manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar replied 'The telephone goes green, green, and then I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar....'

Mujibar now works at a call centre.

I think I spoke to him earlier this week...

Please tinkle nicely...

Next time you are caught short at Amsterdam Schipol Airport, take a good look at the urinals in the Gents loos (you'll just have to take our word for it, ladies!)...

Whichever one you use, you'll find there is a fly in it.

Or is there?...

Well, apparently not. This is not a real fly at all, as you can see from the close up below :

So what's this all about? Well, it seems that the operators of the loos got just a little bit pissed off (ouch!) with the mess on the tiles so they hit on the bright idea that when a man sees a fly in a urinal, he takes careful aim and tries to flush it away.

And it seems that it works, so who says you can't potty train a man?

Please tinkle nicely...

Next time you are caught short at Amsterdam Schipol Airport, take a good look at the urinals in the Gents loos (you'll just have to take our word for it, ladies!)...

Whichever one you use, you'll find there is a fly in it.

Or is there?...

Well, apparently not. This is not a real fly at all, as you can see from the close up below :

So what's this all about? Well, it seems that the operators of the loos got just a little bit pissed off (ouch!) with the mess on the tiles so they hit on the bright idea that when a man sees a fly in a urinal, he takes careful aim and tries to flush it away.

And it seems that it works, so who says you can't potty train a man?

Purgatreis

Yes, I know that it is spelt wrong but there is such a thing as poetic licence.

We are back in Turkey in a place called Turgetreis just to clear customs and be on our way.

We have just crossed over from Kos, which was an interesting place. We're not been there before and went wandering into town last night exercising the ubiquitous "free time". Kos town has a decidedly Turkish feel to it even though they have converted to the mosque into a shopping arcade - something which even with my decidedly jaundiced view of religion, I find rather disrespectful and inappropriate.

Today we went up into the hills above town to a delightful little village called Zia. Having had it described to us as a 'tourist village', we feared the worst, but were personally surprised. The view was magnificent and the people friendly and charming.

Earlier in the day we experienced a 5.1 magnitude earthquake - quite an experience as we have been to Greece many times and never felt the slightest tremor. To put this in perspective, this is the same magnitude that caused devastation in Spain a few days back.

A charming Greek lady was telling us that this was the worst quake that they are experienced in 35 years and it knocked all the stock off her shelves. She said she was terrified and immediately felt for her children's safety. The shop is 90 years old and made of stone, but her father assured that the house will stand forever but then added "but the floor may collapse".

We are now across the straits in Turgetreis - or as we have branded it 'Purgatory' - moored in a huge yatching marina and looking at the endless rows of little white boxes that they shove tourists into.

We can't help thinking that the quake was perhaps in the wrong place!

Purgatreis

Yes, I know that it is spelt wrong but there is such a thing as poetic licence.

We are back in Turkey in a place called Turgetreis just to clear customs and be on our way.

We have just crossed over from Kos, which was an interesting place. We're not been there before and went wandering into town last night exercising the ubiquitous "free time". Kos town has a decidedly Turkish feel to it even though they have converted to the mosque into a shopping arcade - something which even with my decidedly jaundiced view of religion, I find rather disrespectful and inappropriate.

Today we went up into the hills above town to a delightful little village called Zia. Having had it described to us as a 'tourist village', we feared the worst, but were personally surprised. The view was magnificent and the people friendly and charming.

Earlier in the day we experienced a 5.1 magnitude earthquake - quite an experience as we have been to Greece many times and never felt the slightest tremor. To put this in perspective, this is the same magnitude that caused devastation in Spain a few days back.

A charming Greek lady was telling us that this was the worst quake that they are experienced in 35 years and it knocked all the stock off her shelves. She said she was terrified and immediately felt for her children's safety. The shop is 90 years old and made of stone, but her father assured that the house will stand forever but then added "but the floor may collapse".

We are now across the straits in Turgetreis - or as we have branded it 'Purgatory' - moored in a huge yatching marina and looking at the endless rows of little white boxes that they shove tourists into.

We can't help thinking that the quake was perhaps in the wrong place!

Moose-tache of the year

Congratulations to Germany's Elmar Weisser, pictured above. Elmer is the overall winner of the 2011 World Beard and Moustache Championships which were held in Trondheim, Norway over the last weekend.

The biannual beard-off's overall winner - with a beard elaborately shaped into a moose at one end - is no stranger to the competition, having taken the top prize at the 2005 event held in Berlin with a beard sculpted to look like the Brandenburg Gate and at the 2007 England championships in which he showed up with a beard shaped to resemble the Tower Bridge.

Here's the detail of this work of art...

Why a moose? Well, it is a Moose-tache after all!

Moose-tache of the year

Congratulations to Germany's Elmar Weisser, pictured above. Elmer is the overall winner of the 2011 World Beard and Moustache Championships which were held in Trondheim, Norway over the last weekend.

The biannual beard-off's overall winner - with a beard elaborately shaped into a moose at one end - is no stranger to the competition, having taken the top prize at the 2005 event held in Berlin with a beard sculpted to look like the Brandenburg Gate and at the 2007 England championships in which he showed up with a beard shaped to resemble the Tower Bridge.

Here's the detail of this work of art...

Why a moose? Well, it is a Moose-tache after all!

Japanese attitudes

For a number of years, I worked for a Japanese company. I have visitted Japan and found it a beautiful country. I admire the way in which they have dealt with the recent disaster which has hit their country. I admit that I don't like the Japanese in general, though I have met one or two notable exceptions.

But there is one consistent thread through all this - I will never understand them.

Many years ago, I had a Japanese teacher staying with me and she and her colleagues gave us a little thank you party one evening at the end of their stay. They were demonstrating calligraphy and asked what they could write on a little sign for me as a keepsake. I asked her to write "Go away. I'm busy" so I could hang it behind my desk at work.

The sign duly hung, but always got a strange reception whenever it was read. Several years later, I asked an Englishman who lived in Japan why this was. He told me that it did not translate. In Japan every is busy working as hard as he can, so what was my point?

On another occasion, I shared an office with a chap called Henry (they all took English names when working here). Henry ran QA for the UK and reported to a Euro QA manager based in collogne called Bando. One day the phone rang. Henry was slumped over his desk looking despondent. Bando was on the phone so Henry immediately sprang to attention! For the next five minutes, all he said was "Hi, Bando san. Hi!"

As he put the phone down he slumped across his desk breathing a sigh of relief. "Bando san?" I asked. "Hi," he replied. "Bando san."

I asked him "Henry, if Bando san told you to go up to the roof and throw yourself off, would you do it?" Henry looked at me and replied "Of course." I looked at him in amazement and said "Would you ask why?" He said "Not ask me to do that unless he have good reason."

After a few seconds he asked me "What you say if Phil san ask you do this? "I'd tell him to fuck off!" I answered.

Neither of ever figured the other out...

Japanese attitudes

For a number of years, I worked for a Japanese company. I have visitted Japan and found it a beautiful country. I admire the way in which they have dealt with the recent disaster which has hit their country. I admit that I don't like the Japanese in general, though I have met one or two notable exceptions.

But there is one consistent thread through all this - I will never understand them.

Many years ago, I had a Japanese teacher staying with me and she and her colleagues gave us a little thank you party one evening at the end of their stay. They were demonstrating calligraphy and asked what they could write on a little sign for me as a keepsake. I asked her to write "Go away. I'm busy" so I could hang it behind my desk at work.

The sign duly hung, but always got a strange reception whenever it was read. Several years later, I asked an Englishman who lived in Japan why this was. He told me that it did not translate. In Japan every is busy working as hard as he can, so what was my point?

On another occasion, I shared an office with a chap called Henry (they all took English names when working here). Henry ran QA for the UK and reported to a Euro QA manager based in collogne called Bando. One day the phone rang. Henry was slumped over his desk looking despondent. Bando was on the phone so Henry immediately sprang to attention! For the next five minutes, all he said was "Hi, Bando san. Hi!"

As he put the phone down he slumped across his desk breathing a sigh of relief. "Bando san?" I asked. "Hi," he replied. "Bando san."

I asked him "Henry, if Bando san told you to go up to the roof and throw yourself off, would you do it?" Henry looked at me and replied "Of course." I looked at him in amazement and said "Would you ask why?" He said "Not ask me to do that unless he have good reason."

After a few seconds he asked me "What you say if Phil san ask you do this? "I'd tell him to fuck off!" I answered.

Neither of ever figured the other out...

Freegans beware

Ther's been a worrying development for all of those who believe that if food has been thrown out, then it's fair game and OK for you to exercise your moral conscience by not seeing it go to waste.

In Great Baddow, Essex, people could not believe their luck after a Tesco Express bagged up thousands of pounds of spoiled stock and left it out in the street following a power cut.

21 year old Sasha Hall, helped herself to potato waffles, pies and ham but was stunned when police arrived at her home and arrested her for suspected 'theft by finding' and took her to the station in handcuffs.

She said

There was £3,000 worth of food going to waste on the street. It had been thrown out, so I thought I could put it to better use. When the police came round I was so upset. I felt like a terrible criminal.

I would think the police have better things to be doing with their time than going after people who pick up potato waffles from the street. It's all been blown totally out of proportion.

Tesco clearly did not want the food. They dumped it and rather than see it go to waste, I thought I could help feed me and my family for a week or two.

They knocked at the door and said if I didn't open up they would use a battering ram. They handcuffed me and treated me like I was a hardened criminal and when we left they raided my house.

The case is up before the magistrates today. If she is found guilty then, frankly, I consider it to be a travesty for common sense as well as for justice...

(You can read the full story in the Daily Mail by clicking here)

Freegans beware

Ther's been a worrying development for all of those who believe that if food has been thrown out, then it's fair game and OK for you to exercise your moral conscience by not seeing it go to waste.

In Great Baddow, Essex, people could not believe their luck after a Tesco Express bagged up thousands of pounds of spoiled stock and left it out in the street following a power cut.

21 year old Sasha Hall, helped herself to potato waffles, pies and ham but was stunned when police arrived at her home and arrested her for suspected 'theft by finding' and took her to the station in handcuffs.

She said

There was £3,000 worth of food going to waste on the street. It had been thrown out, so I thought I could put it to better use. When the police came round I was so upset. I felt like a terrible criminal.

I would think the police have better things to be doing with their time than going after people who pick up potato waffles from the street. It's all been blown totally out of proportion.

Tesco clearly did not want the food. They dumped it and rather than see it go to waste, I thought I could help feed me and my family for a week or two.

They knocked at the door and said if I didn't open up they would use a battering ram. They handcuffed me and treated me like I was a hardened criminal and when we left they raided my house.

The case is up before the magistrates today. If she is found guilty then, frankly, I consider it to be a travesty for common sense as well as for justice...

(You can read the full story in the Daily Mail by clicking here)

"Oh, yes it does..."

Take a good look at the above picture because it contravenes the Geneva Convention!

"Oh, no it doesn't..." I hear you cry. Well, sorry but I'm afraid that it does!

Take a good look at Nurse Poltis - that's the one on the left in case you can't work it out for yourself. The Red Cross emblems on her uniform were changed to green crosses after the British Red Cross informed the theatre it was breaking the law and could face prosecution.

Unauthorised use of the emblem violates the Geneva Conventions Act 1957.

The British Red Cross said it had contacted the Pavilion Theatre over the use of a red cross on the nurse's costume in the pantomime.

All I can say is that it's a shame they've got fuck all better to do...

"Oh, yes it does..."

Take a good look at the above picture because it contravenes the Geneva Convention!

"Oh, no it doesn't..." I hear you cry. Well, sorry but I'm afraid that it does!

Take a good look at Nurse Poltis - that's the one on the left in case you can't work it out for yourself. The Red Cross emblems on her uniform were changed to green crosses after the British Red Cross informed the theatre it was breaking the law and could face prosecution.

Unauthorised use of the emblem violates the Geneva Conventions Act 1957.

The British Red Cross said it had contacted the Pavilion Theatre over the use of a red cross on the nurse's costume in the pantomime.

All I can say is that it's a shame they've got fuck all better to do...

All to no (a) veil

Take a good long hard look at the picture on the left and then tell me that it is acceptable to walk into a bank, an airport or a building society dressed like this.

A lot has been said recently about the niqab and the more severe version, the burqa - especially in the light of the recent ruling in France.

I read recently an empassioned blog about the freedom to dress how you like, and another about the freedom of religious expression. I support both these views, but not at the expense of safety and security.

Firstly, lets deal with the religious aspect. On the BBC breakfast programme on Sunday morning, they interviewed an Imam from a London mosque together with an Islamic woman who, although not a veil wearer herself, disagreed with his views. Surprisingly, the Imam was the one opposing the veil. He pointed out at great length that there is nothing in the Koran about the veil but rather it is a tribal or cultural custom. So as far as I can see, there goes the religious argument.

Secondly, let's look at the French law. The law does not mention the burqa. It makes it illegal for anyone to conceal their face in public. It therefore aplies to, for example, anyone wearing a scarfe over their face, a balaclava or a crash helmet. Let us remind ourselves that there is already a law about hoodies on our statute books.

Thirdly, if we reduce this to a cultural thing, then there is no place for it in our culture. If you come to our country, then you deal with our culture. You do not impose your own.

On this basis, I recommend that certain ill informed MPs would oppose a similar law to the French should think again.

All to no (a) veil

Take a good long hard look at the picture on the left and then tell me that it is acceptable to walk into a bank, an airport or a building society dressed like this.

A lot has been said recently about the niqab and the more severe version, the burqa - especially in the light of the recent ruling in France.

I read recently an empassioned blog about the freedom to dress how you like, and another about the freedom of religious expression. I support both these views, but not at the expense of safety and security.

Firstly, lets deal with the religious aspect. On the BBC breakfast programme on Sunday morning, they interviewed an Imam from a London mosque together with an Islamic woman who, although not a veil wearer herself, disagreed with his views. Surprisingly, the Imam was the one opposing the veil. He pointed out at great length that there is nothing in the Koran about the veil but rather it is a tribal or cultural custom. So as far as I can see, there goes the religious argument.

Secondly, let's look at the French law. The law does not mention the burqa. It makes it illegal for anyone to conceal their face in public. It therefore aplies to, for example, anyone wearing a scarfe over their face, a balaclava or a crash helmet. Let us remind ourselves that there is already a law about hoodies on our statute books.

Thirdly, if we reduce this to a cultural thing, then there is no place for it in our culture. If you come to our country, then you deal with our culture. You do not impose your own.

On this basis, I recommend that certain ill informed MPs would oppose a similar law to the French should think again.