Those Miliband policies in full...

Following his address to the recent assembled cuts protestors in London, here's a list of the Mighty Milipede's policies in full...

1. Slag off the Tories
2. Slag off the LibDems
3. Slag off the Tory led Coalition
4. Complain about cuts
5. er...........
6. ........................that's it.

Those Miliband policies in full...

Following his address to the recent assembled cuts protestors in London, here's a list of the Mighty Milipede's policies in full...

1. Slag off the Tories
2. Slag off the LibDems
3. Slag off the Tory led Coalition
4. Complain about cuts
5. er...........
6. ........................that's it.

Supreme Leader's pre-budget statement

Comrades,

Tomorrow, the right-wing led government will be spreading more lies about the economic future of our country!

You must not allow them to take reckless gambles with the future of our great nation. Only I, your Supreme Leader, have the policies to ensure we return to the halcyon days we enjoyed under Comrade Blair.

The way out of recession is to spend money to create jobs, not to cut spending and jobs.

I will raise billions of pounds and create hundreds of thousands of jobs for our downtrodden workers. I will cut taxes at a stroke, freeing the working classes from oppression.

I will increase house building for the less well off by 25,000 homes a year, abolish VAT on petrol, and restore funding to our embattled local authorities.

Comrade Balls has shown me how easily we can afford to do this. Of course, I cannot reveal our detailed policies at this stage in case this wicked government steals our ideas and presents them as their own. You know that this has happened in the past and we must not allow it to happen again!

Keep the faith, comrades, and the future will be fair for all!

Your Supreme Leader

Supreme Leader's pre-budget statement

Comrades,

Tomorrow, the right-wing led government will be spreading more lies about the economic future of our country!

You must not allow them to take reckless gambles with the future of our great nation. Only I, your Supreme Leader, have the policies to ensure we return to the halcyon days we enjoyed under Comrade Blair.

The way out of recession is to spend money to create jobs, not to cut spending and jobs.

I will raise billions of pounds and create hundreds of thousands of jobs for our downtrodden workers. I will cut taxes at a stroke, freeing the working classes from oppression.

I will increase house building for the less well off by 25,000 homes a year, abolish VAT on petrol, and restore funding to our embattled local authorities.

Comrade Balls has shown me how easily we can afford to do this. Of course, I cannot reveal our detailed policies at this stage in case this wicked government steals our ideas and presents them as their own. You know that this has happened in the past and we must not allow it to happen again!

Keep the faith, comrades, and the future will be fair for all!

Your Supreme Leader

Lying Eyes (The Miliband mix)

This one was, frankly, too obvious to miss so I just had to do it!

Here's a version of the Eagles' classic "Lyin' Eyes" suitably adapted to take account of Red Ed's piercing stare...

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+++ UPDATE +++
This video was also available on YouTube, but the humourless bastards have blocked the audio due to copyright infringement - despite the fact that the music track is NOT the Eagles original and that the LYRICs are originals.

So fuck 'em - watch it on EyeTube instead!

Lying Eyes (The Miliband mix)

This one was, frankly, too obvious to miss so I just had to do it!

Here's a version of the Eagles' classic "Lyin' Eyes" suitably adapted to take account of Red Ed's piercing stare...

Video hosting by

+++ UPDATE +++
This video was also available on YouTube, but the humourless bastards have blocked the audio due to copyright infringement - despite the fact that the music track is NOT the Eagles original and that the LYRICs are originals.

So fuck 'em - watch it on EyeTube instead!

Bastard!

Whatever happened to the good old days when this word meant something completely different ?

bastard [ˈbɑːstəd ˈbæs-], noun
"a person born of unmarried parents; an illegitimate baby, child, or adult"

Straightforward stuff. Some bloke knocked up an unmarried woman. Legal consequences followed. The overseers for the poor of the parish hunted down the father and made him support the child. Often this involved putting considerable 'pressure' on the woman to reveal who he was. Stigma was attached to the dastardly deed.

Some of us might even be old enough to remember when women were bundled off by their parents to live with relatives far away while they had their bastard baby. After the birth it was unceremoniously adopted so the mother could return home with her reputation unblemished.

Now I'm not advocating that we should return to these draconian times, but I do think we should regard unwanted pregnancies in unmarried women as just a little more than a minor inconvenience.

OK, so it has become socially acceptable to not bother with even civil marriage. However, when you bring a child into the world it carries certain obligations. If you are working on the basis that marriage is not for you because you regard your relationship as transitory, then why are you having children?

Our new Labour (no pun intended!) party leader claims to escew family values and wants to support the family through the welfare system, and yet he has one bastard child already and is in the process of producing another.

Children are being born today with no hope of ever tracing their roots because either the mother doesn't know who the father is or because the father - as in Miliband's case - is so disinterested he doesn't even bother to get his name on the birth certificate.

If this is you, then you are a selfish bastard - in the other sense of the word...

Bastard!

Whatever happened to the good old days when this word meant something completely different ?

bastard [ˈbɑːstəd ˈbæs-], noun
"a person born of unmarried parents; an illegitimate baby, child, or adult"

Straightforward stuff. Some bloke knocked up an unmarried woman. Legal consequences followed. The overseers for the poor of the parish hunted down the father and made him support the child. Often this involved putting considerable 'pressure' on the woman to reveal who he was. Stigma was attached to the dastardly deed.

Some of us might even be old enough to remember when women were bundled off by their parents to live with relatives far away while they had their bastard baby. After the birth it was unceremoniously adopted so the mother could return home with her reputation unblemished.

Now I'm not advocating that we should return to these draconian times, but I do think we should regard unwanted pregnancies in unmarried women as just a little more than a minor inconvenience.

OK, so it has become socially acceptable to not bother with even civil marriage. However, when you bring a child into the world it carries certain obligations. If you are working on the basis that marriage is not for you because you regard your relationship as transitory, then why are you having children?

Our new Labour (no pun intended!) party leader claims to escew family values and wants to support the family through the welfare system, and yet he has one bastard child already and is in the process of producing another.

Children are being born today with no hope of ever tracing their roots because either the mother doesn't know who the father is or because the father - as in Miliband's case - is so disinterested he doesn't even bother to get his name on the birth certificate.

If this is you, then you are a selfish bastard - in the other sense of the word...

Thomas and the Shadow Cabinet

See the Fat Controller, Red Ed Miliband, select his team from the engines at Tidworth Sheds.

It's nearly as ridiculous as the real thing...

Thomas and the Shadow Cabinet

See the Fat Controller, Red Ed Miliband, select his team from the engines at Tidworth Sheds.

It's nearly as ridiculous as the real thing...

Red Miliband - the new single !

As promissed yesterday, here is the exciting new single from Red Miliband's solo album :

Red Miliband - the new single !

As promissed yesterday, here is the exciting new single from Red Miliband's solo album :

Red Ed to release solo album !

News just out that "Red Ed" Miliband has split from Los Milibandos and is to release a solo album...

 Comprising cover versions of well known songs, here's the track list with original artists in brackets :

1. The Carnival is Over (Seekers)
2. Leader of The Gang (Gary Glitter)
3. Dance With The Devil (Cozy Powell)
4. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (Hollies)
5. We're All Crazy Now (Slade)
6. He's Gonna Step On You Again (John Kongas)
7. Brothers in Arms (Dire Straits)
8. Gonna Get Along Without You (Viola Wills)
9. The Harder I Try (Brother Beyond)
10. Tired of Toeing the Line (Rocky Burnette)
11. I Scare Myself (Thomas Dolby)
12. Road to Hell (Chris Rea)
13. Wishful Thinking (China Crisis)
14. Dreams Are 10 a Penny (Kincade)
15. Shattered Dreams (Johnny Hates Jazz)

TOMORROW : Exclusive video of the single from the album. Watch this space!

P.S. - A note for Ian fucking Hislop :
Feel free to steal this post for the Eye, but this time at least give me a byline - which is more than you did last time.

Red Ed to release solo album !

News just out that "Red Ed" Miliband has split from Los Milibandos and is to release a solo album...

 Comprising cover versions of well known songs, here's the track list with original artists in brackets :

1. The Carnival is Over (Seekers)
2. Leader of The Gang (Gary Glitter)
3. Dance With The Devil (Cozy Powell)
4. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (Hollies)
5. We're All Crazy Now (Slade)
6. He's Gonna Step On You Again (John Kongas)
7. Brothers in Arms (Dire Straits)
8. Gonna Get Along Without You (Viola Wills)
9. The Harder I Try (Brother Beyond)
10. Tired of Toeing the Line (Rocky Burnette)
11. I Scare Myself (Thomas Dolby)
12. Road to Hell (Chris Rea)
13. Wishful Thinking (China Crisis)
14. Dreams Are 10 a Penny (Kincade)
15. Shattered Dreams (Johnny Hates Jazz)

TOMORROW : Exclusive video of the single from the album. Watch this space!

P.S. - A note for Ian fucking Hislop :
Feel free to steal this post for the Eye, but this time at least give me a byline - which is more than you did last time.

Red Ed - it's official !

By satellite phone from the caves of Afghanistan, official endorsement of Miliband as the new anti-capitalist leader of the Labour party...

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Red Ed - it's official !

By satellite phone from the caves of Afghanistan, official endorsement of Miliband as the new anti-capitalist leader of the Labour party...

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A little late night mischief

A little late night mischief

Bananaman Bites the Dust [2]

Sorry, but it's was just too much to resist. The rustling sound at the end could be Freddie turning in his grave...

Bananaman Bites the Dust [2]

Sorry, but it's was just too much to resist. The rustling sound at the end could be Freddie turning in his grave...