Kamis, 16 Desember 2010

Wheel out the starving kiddies


"Do they know it's Christmas time at all...?"

Too fucking right they do! It's that time of year when the chuggers come out in force - bombarding your TV and newspapers with adverts, banging on your door and thrusting direct debits under your nose, driving round in a flatbed lorry with a plastic Santa on the back and a ghetto blaster, demanding that you put money in their buckets...

And have you noticed that the film crews and photographers always seem to wheel out the poor starving kiddies suffering in poverty in the third world? It's simple really. Children will tug at the heart strings and soak up money like nothing else.

So let's take a look at some of this relentless barrage :

Wateraid, Oxfam, UNICEF, Cancer Research, Care (who?), Dogs for the Disabled - to name but a few - all want your £2 monthly direct debits. Or £19 for the Salvation Army. Or a once off £15 for the NSPCC. Or why not adopt a jaguar? That's £3 a month, so they're clearly worth more than kids!

And the newspapers are never slow to jump in either. The Guardian, Telegraph, The Times - all upper class you notice, because their readers can afford it more than others, can't they? Well, fuck that because I can't afford a newspaper anyway...

And then there are the charity Christmas cards - which incidentally vary terrifically in how much they actually donate to the named charities concerned.

Here's a message for you all : Thanks to the Credit Crunch my income dipped this year by around £300 a week mainly due to dear Gordon raiding my pension fund and lowering interest rates on my savings to two thirds of fuck all. I've got no spare money, so don't bother to fucking ask. And you can bring a starving kid with you if you like so I can tell you both to fuck off!

And can you please send 'Age UK' around so I can ask them how much they are going to give me...

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