Crap Boats of the World - MY Halis Temel

As my regular reader will know, I get around a bit and like to point out the good and bad points about where I have been and how I got there. I try to be fair minded so that other people can learn and benefit from my experiences.

This was a somewhat different sort of trip for me. Some time ago while sitting on the key on a Greek island with a glass of Ouzo in my hand (Metaxa has become so expensive!), we contemplated a sailing holiday. I looked out into the harbour at all the sailing flotilla boats and thought that was slumming it a bit for my personal taste. However, the big motor yatch with a crew of about ten moored at the end of the quay looked rather inviting, so when the opportunity came up to sail the Turquoise Coast on a luxury yatch we thought "Why not?"

Well, I'll tell you why not...

This is a small boat (12 cabins) and looked lovely in the brochure. It is a shame that a substance doesn't live up to the style. Please admire the carving above which is on the stern of the boat. The tits on this carving really are it's best feature.

The crew is Turkish and performs his duties entirely to its own satisfaction and time scales. As a seasoned traveller, I have no problem with the latter, it's the former that really annoys me. I suspect that one of the problems is that their boss is Greek so naturally they treat him with contempt and take no notice of him whatsoever. He, in turn, treats them like shit and talks to them in the same manner.

Tragically, this could be a beautiful boat and it is spoiled by a total lack of storage space for incidentals - such as clothes. The finishes throughout are, well, Turkish. My shower room taps stick two inches out of the wall and the tiling is, frankly, not as good as my first attempt when I was 17 years old. The TV has no signal, the drains stink, the toilet seat keeps threatening to circumcise me and what is that strange stuff gurgling up the drainage hole in the shower?...

I could go on and on - and, as my regular reader will know, I often do - but what really pissed me off one day was my early morning wake-up call. This is mainly because I never asked for one! The crew quarters border my cabin (something not illustrated in the brochure!) and at 4 a.m. the phone rang - and rang - and rang. No one answered because they weren't there! I don't know for certain, but I suspect they were ashore getting pissed so just how fit they are to run the boat the next day has to be the £6,000 question.

So if you are thinking of going on this boat, then my advice is "Don't!"


(Dioclese is currently freezing his arse off in the Arctic - hopefully on a better boat than this one!)