2018 : The nation is gutted



The three stooges : Beckham, Wills and Cameron in Zurich

Every household in the nation was gutted last night as it was announced that England will not be hosting the 2018 FIFA World Cup.

Well, no actually. That's bollocks...

Mrs D and I heaved a hefty sigh of relief when we found that this monumental waste of time, effort and money will not be coming to our shores. Indeed, when it was announced that we only got two votes - frankly one more than I expected - we almost found an excuse to crack open the bottle of Bolly that's languishing in my kitchen cupboard waiting for an excuse to be drunk!

And there's even more bollocks to be found. Here's some reactions :

"This decision has cost the UK about £4 billion." Bollocks! More likely it's saved us 7 or 8. Just look at the bill for the bloody Olympics.

"We need to have an enquiry into the state of English football." Bollocks! The opposition is jumping on the bandwagon. We don't need an enquiry - we're just no fucking good at the game.

"FIFA are sending a message to the world about where they want the World Cup." Bollocks! That's why they had an announcement yesterday, you prat!

"It's desperately sad." Bollocks, Dave! It's a bloody relief you don't have to spend all that money you keep telling us we don't have.

"The BBC didn't do us any favours." Bollocks! The BBC did us a huge great bloody favour!

And why did Russia get the World Cup?

Well, they probably know more about corruption than just about anyone else on the planet, so it's obvious : we simply didn't offer a big enough bribe...