Kamis, 18 Februari 2010

The Shit List

It's time. Get the wine out and let's get this shit started.

First up, nosy fucking people who don't have a damn nice thing to say about anyone and are spiteful little motherfuckers who generate mean gossip. They are like witches stirring brew, except substitute a b for the w and instead of stirring brew these bitches stir shit. I'm talking about vindictive people who lies as truth. The are the kind of people who are only around 2 seconds before the shit hits the fan. You know what's worse? When they are your own family.


You know what I figured out? .
These people are taking away my sunshine. Those fuckers are stealing from me. I think Axl Rose said it quite eloquently, "You can have anything you want but you better not take it from me". I'm pissed off! Dee Snyder is singing, "We're not gonna take it," in my ear. People, the Rob bubble busted and lost my fucking mind for a minute. Like that year I threw the Christmas tree out on the front lawn, remember? Yeah, it was just like that except this time I threw my family out on the front lawn. Right the fuck up out of my house.


As I am standing on the front porch screaming obscenities like a younger, prettier, girl version of Sam Kinison, my male cousin, the doctor, takes a couple of steps toward me and has the balls to ask, "are you on your period". I thought I was having a stroke. My blood started boiling. I couldn't hear anything but the beat of my heart and Arsenio Hall going, "woot!" over and over urging me into action. I was unable to speak, it sounded like Billy Madison's gibberish.
Let me tell you something about me. When I was in school and the recess bell rang, I didn't go outside. Know why? Cause I don't play! The cops may have been called but I threw a big enough fit, without getting arrested, that the family scattered to the four winds and I haven't heard from anyone in 5 days. Thank fuck!


Now what right does this little weasly bastard have to ask about my period? So what if I was? Men don't get it. And they couldn't handle it, yet they have a fucking opinion. Oh yes, always with the fucking opinions. My stomach is cramping, my back hurts, my head is aching. I'm tired and emotional and I have fucking internal bleeding for fuck's sake. If the good doctor had a period he'd be curled in a ball hiding under his bed. Dilhole!
It was bad enough when people said this to me as a teen but I'm a grown ass woman. Somehow that makes it even worse. Makes me want to slap the taste out of Bert-Better-Than-You's mouth.
Let's do some breathing exercises and expel the negative energy.
Breathe In


Ungh!

Breathe In




*moan*


Breathe In




*swoon*


Breathe In




*eyes roll back in head*


Breathe In




*collapse*

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