"I don't, therefore I'm not..."

Recently, I recieved a comment - which got lost in the great 2011 Blogger crash - that if I was on on holiday then "I don't blog, therefore I am not..."

It's a fair comment, and quite witty I thought. Anyway, as you read this I am reposing in a Greek taverna swigging a cappuchino and a Ouzo, or perhaps lounging on my balcony with a glass of the good old 5 star Metaxa. So, basically, I don't really care.

I was in Turkey and Greece a few weeks back as you will have gathered from recent posts but I have had this little repose in the diary for quite a while, a chance to catch up with my friend Old Sawbones for a good old moan about what needs putting right in the world.

I am hoping this will turn out to be a better repose than the last one - it's certainly going to be a damn site cheaper - and it's nice to be just kicking back for a while. I don't care if the plants are all dying in the garden at home. I don't even care if the exchange rate is crap and the Greeks have raised their VAT again. I'm happy...

Oh, and for the uneducated amongst you here's a short lesson in the fine art of Metaxa. The 3 star is for mixing with Coke, the 5 star is for drinking and the 7 star is for flogging to tourists.

And no, please don't put water in my Ouzo.

I'm back at the weekend and then have a few weeks at home before popping off to the Arctic to shoot some polar bears...

"I don't, therefore I'm not..."

Recently, I recieved a comment - which got lost in the great 2011 Blogger crash - that if I was on on holiday then "I don't blog, therefore I am not..."

It's a fair comment, and quite witty I thought. Anyway, as you read this I am reposing in a Greek taverna swigging a cappuchino and a Ouzo, or perhaps lounging on my balcony with a glass of the good old 5 star Metaxa. So, basically, I don't really care.

I was in Turkey and Greece a few weeks back as you will have gathered from recent posts but I have had this little repose in the diary for quite a while, a chance to catch up with my friend Old Sawbones for a good old moan about what needs putting right in the world.

I am hoping this will turn out to be a better repose than the last one - it's certainly going to be a damn site cheaper - and it's nice to be just kicking back for a while. I don't care if the plants are all dying in the garden at home. I don't even care if the exchange rate is crap and the Greeks have raised their VAT again. I'm happy...

Oh, and for the uneducated amongst you here's a short lesson in the fine art of Metaxa. The 3 star is for mixing with Coke, the 5 star is for drinking and the 7 star is for flogging to tourists.

And no, please don't put water in my Ouzo.

I'm back at the weekend and then have a few weeks at home before popping off to the Arctic to shoot some polar bears...

Potato kills motorists!

Dangerous things potatoes!

I was listening to the BBC Breakfast programme the other day and they were running a piece on the statistical correlation between the consumption of alcohol and deaths due to cancer.

According to the BBC, the statistics prove that cancer is caused by alcohol. You are, apparently, proven to be 18% more likely to get cancer if you consume two glasses of wine a day. I can picture my smokey drinkey blogger friends out there shouting at the screen already as they read this!

It is, of course, absolute tosh!

Now I have been accused in the past of being pedantic and insisting that English is used properly (shurely not!) so crap like this raises my blood pressure - which is apparently OK as a couple of glasses of red wine tend to lower it again, so at least I'll die of cancer instead of a heart attack.

So let's clear this up. If the Beeb had said 'there is a strong statistical correlation that suggests a link between alcohol and cancer' then fair enough, but in these days of lack of 'Standards, dear boy. Standards' the Beeb is notorious for grabbing the sensational headline...

Statistically, pretty much everyone who has been killed in a road accident has, at some point, eaten potatoes. Therefore, applying the BBC's exacting standards, potatoes have been proven to kill motorists.

Lies, damn lies, and statistics...

Potato kills motorists!

Dangerous things potatoes!

I was listening to the BBC Breakfast programme the other day and they were running a piece on the statistical correlation between the consumption of alcohol and deaths due to cancer.

According to the BBC, the statistics prove that cancer is caused by alcohol. You are, apparently, proven to be 18% more likely to get cancer if you consume two glasses of wine a day. I can picture my smokey drinkey blogger friends out there shouting at the screen already as they read this!

It is, of course, absolute tosh!

Now I have been accused in the past of being pedantic and insisting that English is used properly (shurely not!) so crap like this raises my blood pressure - which is apparently OK as a couple of glasses of red wine tend to lower it again, so at least I'll die of cancer instead of a heart attack.

So let's clear this up. If the Beeb had said 'there is a strong statistical correlation that suggests a link between alcohol and cancer' then fair enough, but in these days of lack of 'Standards, dear boy. Standards' the Beeb is notorious for grabbing the sensational headline...

Statistically, pretty much everyone who has been killed in a road accident has, at some point, eaten potatoes. Therefore, applying the BBC's exacting standards, potatoes have been proven to kill motorists.

Lies, damn lies, and statistics...

It's New Year's Eve so...

...don't behave like a drunken tit!

It's New Year's Eve so...

...don't behave like a drunken tit!

Crap Bars of the World : Bloody Mary's

During our recent visit to Bora Bora, we had the opportunity to call in at one of the world's most famous bars, Bloody Mary's.

Responsible for inventing the world famous drink of the same name, it was established in 1979 and gained it's fame by patronage from the likes of Marlon Brando who was particularly fond of the place and had a house on the island. Our tour included a drink here, so it would have been churlish to refuse.

The first thing you notice when you pull up outside is two bloody great (excuse the pun) noticeboards with the names of all the famous people who have visited the place. Then you go in past a counter selling T-shirts into the main bar.

To be fair, we did drop 90+ people into the bar in one go, so that might have accounted for the feeling of darkness and claustrophobia, but I have a feeling that was probably just the same with 10 people! Anyway, the aforementioned and much hyped drinks were duly doled out and consumed.

Disappointingly, mine contained enough Tabasco sauce to take the skin off my throat as it went down. The cynical amongst us might think that this was perhaps to cover up the lack of vodka? Surely not! (I don't want to get sued.)

However, to check out this theory, I asked for a second one without the Tabasco. Eventually, after much difficulty with the language - which was odd as we were both speaking English - one was duly delivered. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding as mine seemed devoid of any taste of vodka as far as I could tell.

And the cost of this? Our cruise director doled out 69,000 Pacific francs - which is about £600 to you or around £6 a glass.

And,  if after all that, you felt inclined by buy one of their T-shirt advertising the place, they were a very reasonable US$ 39 each!

So my advice to you if you are looking for a bloody Mary on Bora Bora? Buy a carton of tomato juice and a bottle of vodka, go to Bloody Mary's and take a picture, sit across the road and look at it while you drink your own.

It'll taste better, cost less and you still get a look at the outside - which is actually a lot nicer than the inside...

Crap Bars of the World : Bloody Mary's

During our recent visit to Bora Bora, we had the opportunity to call in at one of the world's most famous bars, Bloody Mary's.

Responsible for inventing the world famous drink of the same name, it was established in 1979 and gained it's fame by patronage from the likes of Marlon Brando who was particularly fond of the place and had a house on the island. Our tour included a drink here, so it would have been churlish to refuse.

The first thing you notice when you pull up outside is two bloody great (excuse the pun) noticeboards with the names of all the famous people who have visited the place. Then you go in past a counter selling T-shirts into the main bar.

To be fair, we did drop 90+ people into the bar in one go, so that might have accounted for the feeling of darkness and claustrophobia, but I have a feeling that was probably just the same with 10 people! Anyway, the aforementioned and much hyped drinks were duly doled out and consumed.

Disappointingly, mine contained enough Tabasco sauce to take the skin off my throat as it went down. The cynical amongst us might think that this was perhaps to cover up the lack of vodka? Surely not! (I don't want to get sued.)

However, to check out this theory, I asked for a second one without the Tabasco. Eventually, after much difficulty with the language - which was odd as we were both speaking English - one was duly delivered. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding as mine seemed devoid of any taste of vodka as far as I could tell.

And the cost of this? Our cruise director doled out 69,000 Pacific francs - which is about £600 to you or around £6 a glass.

And,  if after all that, you felt inclined by buy one of their T-shirt advertising the place, they were a very reasonable US$ 39 each!

So my advice to you if you are looking for a bloody Mary on Bora Bora? Buy a carton of tomato juice and a bottle of vodka, go to Bloody Mary's and take a picture, sit across the road and look at it while you drink your own.

It'll taste better, cost less and you still get a look at the outside - which is actually a lot nicer than the inside...

Smokey drinkey...

I don't usually get involved in the arguments about smoking and drinking other than to say it's up to the individual how he treats his own body, but I thought this piece might just cheer up my old friends the Filthy Engineer and Leg Iron.

This is Arthur Langran. Last month, Arthur celebrated his 100th birthday. Congratulations, Arthur.

Arthur was asked to what he attributed the secret of his long and active life. He told us that he had smoked al least 10 ciggies every day since the age of 20 and religiously drinks a glass of Macallum single malt scotch every night before going to bed.

So that's over 300,000 cigarettes and few hundred crates of scotch. Oh, and he also smokes a pipe. So how has this effected him?

His son, who fortuitously for Arthur's scotch habit owns a pub, says "His doctor has said it's not worth telling him to give up the cigarettes. He's still in good health and gets up stairs whenever he wants."

So take heart - there are lies, damn lies and statistics...

Smokey drinkey...

I don't usually get involved in the arguments about smoking and drinking other than to say it's up to the individual how he treats his own body, but I thought this piece might just cheer up my old friends the Filthy Engineer and Leg Iron.

This is Arthur Langran. Last month, Arthur celebrated his 100th birthday. Congratulations, Arthur.

Arthur was asked to what he attributed the secret of his long and active life. He told us that he had smoked al least 10 ciggies every day since the age of 20 and religiously drinks a glass of Macallum single malt scotch every night before going to bed.

So that's over 300,000 cigarettes and few hundred crates of scotch. Oh, and he also smokes a pipe. So how has this effected him?

His son, who fortuitously for Arthur's scotch habit owns a pub, says "His doctor has said it's not worth telling him to give up the cigarettes. He's still in good health and gets up stairs whenever he wants."

So take heart - there are lies, damn lies and statistics...

Drinking - a Doctor's view

A short while ago, I promissed to get my friend "Old Sawbones" to give me his professional view on the latest NICE proclamation on how to interrogate patients about their drinking habits.

This is what he had to say :

"Anyone and everyone knows you shouldn't (1) smoke, (2) overeat, (3) drink daily above the recommended amount, but life can be (1) cruel, (2) short, (3 )unfair and we need no lectures from the 'great and the (not so) good' on how we live our lives.

The patronising medical establishment have a vested interest in cosying up to the politicians, and parroting their 'guidance' as to how to live a healthy life - as if we didn't know - and, of course, with an eye to appearing in the forthcoming honours list. (Don't rock the boat.)

Anyway, as if there wasn't little enough time during the average consultation to deal with the medical problem itself, I suspect that advice on drinking may be one of the issues for which GPs get additional payment, as with advice on dealing with obesity."

So there we have it from the expert. Looks to me like another hangover from the good old nanny state New LieBore days of inventing ways to pay people for meeting targets rather than letting them alone to get on with their jobs - which in this case is healing the sick...

Drinking - a Doctor's view

A short while ago, I promissed to get my friend "Old Sawbones" to give me his professional view on the latest NICE proclamation on how to interrogate patients about their drinking habits.

This is what he had to say :

"Anyone and everyone knows you shouldn't (1) smoke, (2) overeat, (3) drink daily above the recommended amount, but life can be (1) cruel, (2) short, (3 )unfair and we need no lectures from the 'great and the (not so) good' on how we live our lives.

The patronising medical establishment have a vested interest in cosying up to the politicians, and parroting their 'guidance' as to how to live a healthy life - as if we didn't know - and, of course, with an eye to appearing in the forthcoming honours list. (Don't rock the boat.)

Anyway, as if there wasn't little enough time during the average consultation to deal with the medical problem itself, I suspect that advice on drinking may be one of the issues for which GPs get additional payment, as with advice on dealing with obesity."

So there we have it from the expert. Looks to me like another hangover from the good old nanny state New LieBore days of inventing ways to pay people for meeting targets rather than letting them alone to get on with their jobs - which in this case is healing the sick...

Why cutting alcohol limits won't work

At this point I have to admit that I once lost my licence because of drink driving. It's not something I'm proud of and it's not why I am criticising the proposals to lower the drink driving limit from 80 to 50 mg.

Let me explain the circumstances. I was invitied by an old neighbour to a dinner party that I knew perfectly well from past experience it was going to be a boozy affair. I planned accordingly.

First, I asked her whether it would be alright to leave the car at her house and pick it up in the morning. Then I diverted to the supermarket to pick up a bottle of wine and at the same time take some money out of the hole in the wall so I could pay the taxi driver.

So what went wrong?

Simple really - and this the crux of the matter - when you have had a skin full all logic and coherent thought tends to go out the window. At two in the morning, I decided that it was all a load of fuss about nothing and I would drive home. I was nicked, being 2.5 times the legal limit.

I went to court and pleaded guilty. I explained that this would never happen again because having been caught by the catch 22 of logic and drink, next time I would take the taxi both ways. It cost me £600 and a 12 month ban. I deserved it. I was stupid.

The reason I don't think it is necessary to lower the legal drink limit is that when you are pissed, you don't think clearly and you won't be told! You certainly don't worry about the legal limit and whether you are over it.

Yes, it might make people think before they start drinking, but no it certainly won't stop poeple once they've started - and most serious accidents involving drink are caused by people well over the limit.

I don't drink at all now if I am driving, not because next time it's a three year ban but because it's stupid and irresponsible - and that's not something I do twice...

Why cutting alcohol limits won't work

At this point I have to admit that I once lost my licence because of drink driving. It's not something I'm proud of and it's not why I am criticising the proposals to lower the drink driving limit from 80 to 50 mg.

Let me explain the circumstances. I was invitied by an old neighbour to a dinner party that I knew perfectly well from past experience it was going to be a boozy affair. I planned accordingly.

First, I asked her whether it would be alright to leave the car at her house and pick it up in the morning. Then I diverted to the supermarket to pick up a bottle of wine and at the same time take some money out of the hole in the wall so I could pay the taxi driver.

So what went wrong?

Simple really - and this the crux of the matter - when you have had a skin full all logic and coherent thought tends to go out the window. At two in the morning, I decided that it was all a load of fuss about nothing and I would drive home. I was nicked, being 2.5 times the legal limit.

I went to court and pleaded guilty. I explained that this would never happen again because having been caught by the catch 22 of logic and drink, next time I would take the taxi both ways. It cost me £600 and a 12 month ban. I deserved it. I was stupid.

The reason I don't think it is necessary to lower the legal drink limit is that when you are pissed, you don't think clearly and you won't be told! You certainly don't worry about the legal limit and whether you are over it.

Yes, it might make people think before they start drinking, but no it certainly won't stop poeple once they've started - and most serious accidents involving drink are caused by people well over the limit.

I don't drink at all now if I am driving, not because next time it's a three year ban but because it's stupid and irresponsible - and that's not something I do twice...

Boot beer festival

Oh dear! It seems that my visit here has co-incided quite accidentally with the Boot Beer Festival which appears to start tomorrow.

Still, the pub is almost 25 yards away and I was never much one for walking....

Boot beer festival

Oh dear! It seems that my visit here has co-incided quite accidentally with the Boot Beer Festival which appears to start tomorrow.

Still, the pub is almost 25 yards away and I was never much one for walking....