The EU - A Prime Minister writes...

"Now listen here, I don't want to here any more nonsense about this referendum on staying in the EU.

I have been accused of reneging on my promise in the manifesto to hold a referendum, but you must realise that such a referendum is completely unnecessary. After all, we had a referendum on that issue in 1975, which produced a very clear result. There is also one argument, in particular, against holding such a referendum that we find irrefutably powerful, namely that most people in our country want to say neither ‘yes’ to everything from the EU, nor ‘no’ to everything.

It's a good idea to be in Europe and to be able to take advantage of all the good things that it has to offer - like free trade, whilst at the same time having the option to refuse all the bad things - like for example the single currency.

We should not lose sight of the EU’s very useful work, such as ensuring that all the nations of Europe are equipped to face the biggest challenges of the 21st Century: global competitiveness, global warming and global poverty.

A simplistic in/out referendum, posing an artificial choice that does not do justice to the range of views in the country, would be highly unlikely to settle the question of Britain’s membership of the EU at all.

We make a huge contribution to the EU in monetary terms of course, but we should not lose sight of what we get back in return - for example political unity, financial stability, border controls, the ECB, unification of laws, the Convention on Human Rights, free movement of labour, the common agricultural policy and many others.

The list is simply endless, and I ask you - where would we be without these things? So let's just stop all this nonsense and concentrate on being good members of this wonderful institution!"

The EU - A Prime Minister writes...

"Now listen here, I don't want to here any more nonsense about this referendum on staying in the EU.

I have been accused of reneging on my promise in the manifesto to hold a referendum, but you must realise that such a referendum is completely unnecessary. After all, we had a referendum on that issue in 1975, which produced a very clear result. There is also one argument, in particular, against holding such a referendum that we find irrefutably powerful, namely that most people in our country want to say neither ‘yes’ to everything from the EU, nor ‘no’ to everything.

It's a good idea to be in Europe and to be able to take advantage of all the good things that it has to offer - like free trade, whilst at the same time having the option to refuse all the bad things - like for example the single currency.

We should not lose sight of the EU’s very useful work, such as ensuring that all the nations of Europe are equipped to face the biggest challenges of the 21st Century: global competitiveness, global warming and global poverty.

A simplistic in/out referendum, posing an artificial choice that does not do justice to the range of views in the country, would be highly unlikely to settle the question of Britain’s membership of the EU at all.

We make a huge contribution to the EU in monetary terms of course, but we should not lose sight of what we get back in return - for example political unity, financial stability, border controls, the ECB, unification of laws, the Convention on Human Rights, free movement of labour, the common agricultural policy and many others.

The list is simply endless, and I ask you - where would we be without these things? So let's just stop all this nonsense and concentrate on being good members of this wonderful institution!"

The Great Greek Sell Off

Canny buggers, yer Greeks...

As you will have read here recently, Greece is not doing too well at the moment so they came up with a couple of things to help themselves out.

Firstly, there was a lot of discussion about whether the latest stage of the great EU bailout would actually go ahead, so they decided that if it didn't then they would reluctantly have to leave the Euro zone and bring back the Drachma. This is actually quite sneaky because if Greece did leave, the value of the Eurozone assets would deplete rather, leaving the other countries somewhat in the fertilizer.

So what happens? Well, the EU decide that it would be a good idea to go a little softer on them. Sneaky but effective - especially as several Greek business owners I spoke to expect Greece to leave the Euro within 5 years anyway!

Secondly, next month the Greeks are coming to the UK to launch a garage sale of their assets at Claridges. On offer will be everything from bits of Greek airports and Hellenic Horse Racing through to the Greek National Lottery. I'm sure the mafia may well be interested in the latter offering...

Several Chief Execs of Greek companies are coming to flog off their firms and Vince Cable is lined up to give the opening address.

Unfortunately, there will be no Ouzo drinking, dancing or plate smashing - so maybe the Greeks really are changing their ways...

The Great Greek Sell Off

Canny buggers, yer Greeks...

As you will have read here recently, Greece is not doing too well at the moment so they came up with a couple of things to help themselves out.

Firstly, there was a lot of discussion about whether the latest stage of the great EU bailout would actually go ahead, so they decided that if it didn't then they would reluctantly have to leave the Euro zone and bring back the Drachma. This is actually quite sneaky because if Greece did leave, the value of the Eurozone assets would deplete rather, leaving the other countries somewhat in the fertilizer.

So what happens? Well, the EU decide that it would be a good idea to go a little softer on them. Sneaky but effective - especially as several Greek business owners I spoke to expect Greece to leave the Euro within 5 years anyway!

Secondly, next month the Greeks are coming to the UK to launch a garage sale of their assets at Claridges. On offer will be everything from bits of Greek airports and Hellenic Horse Racing through to the Greek National Lottery. I'm sure the mafia may well be interested in the latter offering...

Several Chief Execs of Greek companies are coming to flog off their firms and Vince Cable is lined up to give the opening address.

Unfortunately, there will be no Ouzo drinking, dancing or plate smashing - so maybe the Greeks really are changing their ways...

A Greek Tragedy

As I promised a short while back, I have put myself to great personal inconvenience in order to personally check out the economic crisis in Greece and after two weeks of intense investigation which involved, amongst other things, exposing myself to Greek tavernas, sunshine and dangerous amounts of alcoholic beverages I am able to report that the average Greek doesn't actually seem to give a toss!

Now admittedly, I was in Kardamyli - a little tourist village not far from Stoupa in the Mani. On the face of it, it's only a few hours from Athens so you would think that they would be highly interested in what what happening with respect to the latest EU bailout. But you would be wrong.

As one hotel owner told me when I asked him about the unrest and protests in Athens : "I can't remember that last time there was a protest about anything here, or the last time there wasn't a protest in Athens. This is a different country here. We're a small village. We're much too busy just staying afloat." And I can see why he thinks that way...

I am a regular visitor to this country over many years. I usually come in May and September. Because we had friends out here this time, we came a bit later and risked travelling in half term week. This is something we don't usually do because Greece is usually packed with tourists. But not this time.

I have never known Greece so quiet. Stoupa is a main resort about 4 miles down the coast. It's a lively place with plenty going on. Usually. We went in for a meal on a Friday night. The first thing we noticed was how easy it was to park. Then we failed to find a restaurant we used to visit a few years back because it had closed. Several of the bars had just not bothered to open because there were no customers.

We thought it was because the weather was a bit iffy and it had been raining earlier so we came back the next night which was a Saturday and walked straight into a waterside table at a restaurant where normally you would queue and would not have a chance in hell of getting a table near the water.

It's a damn shame, but the facts are that the Brits aren't coming. Presumably this is because of the exchange rate and the rise in VAT in Greece which means this is no longer a cheap holiday destination. As a result Kardamyli is like a ghost town. There are literally hundreds of unfilled beds. The restaurants are empty and the bars are eirily quite.

Greece is fucked.

And it's a damn shame, because this is still a very pleasant place for a holiday...

A Greek Tragedy

As I promised a short while back, I have put myself to great personal inconvenience in order to personally check out the economic crisis in Greece and after two weeks of intense investigation which involved, amongst other things, exposing myself to Greek tavernas, sunshine and dangerous amounts of alcoholic beverages I am able to report that the average Greek doesn't actually seem to give a toss!

Now admittedly, I was in Kardamyli - a little tourist village not far from Stoupa in the Mani. On the face of it, it's only a few hours from Athens so you would think that they would be highly interested in what what happening with respect to the latest EU bailout. But you would be wrong.

As one hotel owner told me when I asked him about the unrest and protests in Athens : "I can't remember that last time there was a protest about anything here, or the last time there wasn't a protest in Athens. This is a different country here. We're a small village. We're much too busy just staying afloat." And I can see why he thinks that way...

I am a regular visitor to this country over many years. I usually come in May and September. Because we had friends out here this time, we came a bit later and risked travelling in half term week. This is something we don't usually do because Greece is usually packed with tourists. But not this time.

I have never known Greece so quiet. Stoupa is a main resort about 4 miles down the coast. It's a lively place with plenty going on. Usually. We went in for a meal on a Friday night. The first thing we noticed was how easy it was to park. Then we failed to find a restaurant we used to visit a few years back because it had closed. Several of the bars had just not bothered to open because there were no customers.

We thought it was because the weather was a bit iffy and it had been raining earlier so we came back the next night which was a Saturday and walked straight into a waterside table at a restaurant where normally you would queue and would not have a chance in hell of getting a table near the water.

It's a damn shame, but the facts are that the Brits aren't coming. Presumably this is because of the exchange rate and the rise in VAT in Greece which means this is no longer a cheap holiday destination. As a result Kardamyli is like a ghost town. There are literally hundreds of unfilled beds. The restaurants are empty and the bars are eirily quite.

Greece is fucked.

And it's a damn shame, because this is still a very pleasant place for a holiday...

Saving the Euro

Got any spare change, guv?....

Well, if you have then you wont have for long because now Portugal is holding out the begging bowl for the almighty fucking mess that the incompetent load of tossers in Brussels have got us into!

Well, actually that's not quite fair because there is an even bigger tosser that we have to thank for this almighy fucking mess - and that tosser is none other than Alistair Darling.

In a humungous fit of peek and spite before being told to sod off by the electorate, Alistair popped off to Brussels and agreed that Britain would be more than happy to contribute to any support - for which read 'rescue' - fund for the single European currency.

Now this currency was never going to work and for once I have to give thanks to Tony Blair - a man that I despise - for keeping us out. There are far to many countries in the EU and those countries have far too diverse an economic structure for them ever to be united under a single currency. It was doomed from the start and was only pushed through because it was part of the great Fourth Reich masterplan to take over the world by the back door.

Now it's all gone Pete Tong and Portugal is just the latest to be holding it's hand out. It's unlikely to be the last.

So thanks a lot, Alistair. You spiteful little cunt..

Saving the Euro

Got any spare change, guv?....

Well, if you have then you wont have for long because now Portugal is holding out the begging bowl for the almighty fucking mess that the incompetent load of tossers in Brussels have got us into!

Well, actually that's not quite fair because there is an even bigger tosser that we have to thank for this almighy fucking mess - and that tosser is none other than Alistair Darling.

In a humungous fit of peek and spite before being told to sod off by the electorate, Alistair popped off to Brussels and agreed that Britain would be more than happy to contribute to any support - for which read 'rescue' - fund for the single European currency.

Now this currency was never going to work and for once I have to give thanks to Tony Blair - a man that I despise - for keeping us out. There are far to many countries in the EU and those countries have far too diverse an economic structure for them ever to be united under a single currency. It was doomed from the start and was only pushed through because it was part of the great Fourth Reich masterplan to take over the world by the back door.

Now it's all gone Pete Tong and Portugal is just the latest to be holding it's hand out. It's unlikely to be the last.

So thanks a lot, Alistair. You spiteful little cunt..

Piss Boiler of the the Week

The Financial Services Compensation Scheme

"Ah", I hear you say. "That's fuck all to do with Euros!"

Wrong! A few days ago I got a letter through from a Building Society explaining the new limits for the Financial Services Compensation Scheme which - if you remember - guarantees the first £50,000 of your deposits in the event that your bank does a Northern Rock.

Well, that's all changing in the 1st January, 2011 because the Fourth Reich has decided that the limits of the scheme will, from that date, be €100,000.

"Hang on!" you say. "But the UK isn't in the Euro zone so why is it in Euros?"

The answer of course is that the high Fuhrer, Herman von Arsehole and Chancellor Murky say so and, as we know, EU law takes precedence over UK law. So now, if you want to know how much of your money is protected - well, it depends on the exchange rate.

And let's be honest, the way the Euro is going at the moment that could be anything...

Come on, Cleggeron. Get us the fuck of this shower of shit now. Britain has always been a trailblazer, so how about we are the first country to quit the EU?

It makes sense - which is more that this does!

Update + + + Common sense seems to have (sort of) prevailed and the FSA has decided that €100,000 will be called £85,000 until further notice!

Piss Boiler of the the Week

The Financial Services Compensation Scheme

"Ah", I hear you say. "That's fuck all to do with Euros!"

Wrong! A few days ago I got a letter through from a Building Society explaining the new limits for the Financial Services Compensation Scheme which - if you remember - guarantees the first £50,000 of your deposits in the event that your bank does a Northern Rock.

Well, that's all changing in the 1st January, 2011 because the Fourth Reich has decided that the limits of the scheme will, from that date, be €100,000.

"Hang on!" you say. "But the UK isn't in the Euro zone so why is it in Euros?"

The answer of course is that the high Fuhrer, Herman von Arsehole and Chancellor Murky say so and, as we know, EU law takes precedence over UK law. So now, if you want to know how much of your money is protected - well, it depends on the exchange rate.

And let's be honest, the way the Euro is going at the moment that could be anything...

Come on, Cleggeron. Get us the fuck of this shower of shit now. Britain has always been a trailblazer, so how about we are the first country to quit the EU?

It makes sense - which is more that this does!

Update + + + Common sense seems to have (sort of) prevailed and the FSA has decided that €100,000 will be called £85,000 until further notice!

It costs HOW MUCH !?!

Yesterday I reported on the view from the Taverna and how things have shot up in price here recently. Today, in my final report from the Greek front, I want to reflect on pricing in general here in Paxos. It's certainly not how I remember things...

My last Greek holiday was in a little fishing village on Samos - so generally comparable to here. There were two little supermarkets, half a dozen tavernas and not a lot else. Prices didn't vary a lot. A few cents here and there was about it. But how things have changed....

On our first day we went to the local shop for the essentials in life - Ouzo, Metaxa and a sixpack of Mythos beer. The Ouzo cost me just under €10, Metaxa €17.34 and the beer about €6.50. Purely in the interests of consumer research you understand, I replenished my stocks a few days later in a different shop. The price difference was about €6 on the same items. This variation would have been unheard of in Greece a couple of years ago!

Ditto that other essential of life - wine! After all "a meal without wine is like a summer without sunshine." After my earlier comments on the weather, I guess you can see this one coming : you can't buy a bottle of wine for less about €9 and that's the local stuff! On Samos I could get one for about half that. But never mind. The house wine at Onions was quite decent and he told where to buy it. So, problem solved -1.5 Litres of drinkable red wine in a plastic bottle for €3.50. Job done!

But I digress: Costs in general here have rocketed. Petrol is at €1.75 per litre - so stop whingeing and £1.20 'cos you don't know how well off you are! A large sliced loaf is over €3, a frozen cheese pizza will set you back €6, a packet of plain biscuits €1.30 and mince is over €9 a kilo. Reflect on that next time you're pushing your trolley round Tesco's!

So everything that used to be cheap is now expensive. Partly because this is due to the VAT increase from 8% to 10% on food. But, of course, if you translate these euro prices back to sterling it looks even worse. No wonder tourists off to Turkey instead!

So what did my friendly Taverna owner think of the Greek bailout package? He doesn't think it will do much good. When I told him that Alistair Darling agreed to contribute 10 odd billion to the pot to support the Euro, he nearly pissed himself laughing.

"But why?" He said."Britain is not in the Euro! That's crazy!" I think that summed the situation up nicely.

Margaret Thatcher would have asked for her money back...

It costs HOW MUCH !?!

Yesterday I reported on the view from the Taverna and how things have shot up in price here recently. Today, in my final report from the Greek front, I want to reflect on pricing in general here in Paxos. It's certainly not how I remember things...

My last Greek holiday was in a little fishing village on Samos - so generally comparable to here. There were two little supermarkets, half a dozen tavernas and not a lot else. Prices didn't vary a lot. A few cents here and there was about it. But how things have changed....

On our first day we went to the local shop for the essentials in life - Ouzo, Metaxa and a sixpack of Mythos beer. The Ouzo cost me just under €10, Metaxa €17.34 and the beer about €6.50. Purely in the interests of consumer research you understand, I replenished my stocks a few days later in a different shop. The price difference was about €6 on the same items. This variation would have been unheard of in Greece a couple of years ago!

Ditto that other essential of life - wine! After all "a meal without wine is like a summer without sunshine." After my earlier comments on the weather, I guess you can see this one coming : you can't buy a bottle of wine for less about €9 and that's the local stuff! On Samos I could get one for about half that. But never mind. The house wine at Onions was quite decent and he told where to buy it. So, problem solved -1.5 Litres of drinkable red wine in a plastic bottle for €3.50. Job done!

But I digress: Costs in general here have rocketed. Petrol is at €1.75 per litre - so stop whingeing and £1.20 'cos you don't know how well off you are! A large sliced loaf is over €3, a frozen cheese pizza will set you back €6, a packet of plain biscuits €1.30 and mince is over €9 a kilo. Reflect on that next time you're pushing your trolley round Tesco's!

So everything that used to be cheap is now expensive. Partly because this is due to the VAT increase from 8% to 10% on food. But, of course, if you translate these euro prices back to sterling it looks even worse. No wonder tourists off to Turkey instead!

So what did my friendly Taverna owner think of the Greek bailout package? He doesn't think it will do much good. When I told him that Alistair Darling agreed to contribute 10 odd billion to the pot to support the Euro, he nearly pissed himself laughing.

"But why?" He said."Britain is not in the Euro! That's crazy!" I think that summed the situation up nicely.

Margaret Thatcher would have asked for her money back...

The View from the Taverna

You can always tell a good place to eat. Walk into any town past all the quiet restaurants and join the queue for a table outside the one that's heaving!

We've had a number of excellent Greek meals at a Taverna in Lakka called Nionio's - or Onions as the Brits call it. It's been in business since 1945 and you can tell why. The food is excellent, the front man positively exudes charm and the prices are reasonable.

Anyway, enough of the plug. I got chatting to the guy who runs it. His English is a hell of a sight better than my Greek. So I asked him where the people were? He replied "They don't come this year." simple, but sussinct and to the point. "Why?", I persisted. "They don't got no money." Good point.

Digging a little deeper, I asked what he thought had gone wrong? "Is your government", he replied. "They take all your money. And the exchange rate," he continued, "it's no so good for you. But now you have new government, so we hope this will be a good thing."

I explained that we thought everything was a good thing compared to the dreaded Broon. He replied "Your man did not seem very bright to me." So there you have it in a nutshell...

We discussed the other Broon stuff - i.e. the Broon stuff Greece seemed to be in. He replied "Keep the pound. Worst thing we ever do is to join the Euro. Prices went up 300% overnight." I've never heard a figure that extreme before, but this is a small island off the beaten track, so who am I to argue?

(I discovered a few days later that the reason for this was that Greeks tended to think of a minimum price of 100 drachma and when the Euro was introduced the thought processes moved to a minimum price of €1. Hence the 300% increase!)

Onions is a great place to eat and the prices are keen, but you still won't eat dinner for two there for less than about €30. A few years ago you could eat well for about €20 - and the exchange rate was better.

On the bill I was handed there were two columns headed 8% and 18%. These reflect the VAT rates of food and others (specifically booze). The current rate is 10% and 21%. He explained to me that these receipts were recently printed and if he were to change them every time the VAT rate changed, it would cost a fortune in printing! The higher rate is to go up to 23% shortly...

It made me reflect on what could happen in the forthcoming emergency budget once the true extent of the mess Broon left the UK's finances in is finally revealed!

The View from the Taverna

You can always tell a good place to eat. Walk into any town past all the quiet restaurants and join the queue for a table outside the one that's heaving!

We've had a number of excellent Greek meals at a Taverna in Lakka called Nionio's - or Onions as the Brits call it. It's been in business since 1945 and you can tell why. The food is excellent, the front man positively exudes charm and the prices are reasonable.

Anyway, enough of the plug. I got chatting to the guy who runs it. His English is a hell of a sight better than my Greek. So I asked him where the people were? He replied "They don't come this year." simple, but sussinct and to the point. "Why?", I persisted. "They don't got no money." Good point.

Digging a little deeper, I asked what he thought had gone wrong? "Is your government", he replied. "They take all your money. And the exchange rate," he continued, "it's no so good for you. But now you have new government, so we hope this will be a good thing."

I explained that we thought everything was a good thing compared to the dreaded Broon. He replied "Your man did not seem very bright to me." So there you have it in a nutshell...

We discussed the other Broon stuff - i.e. the Broon stuff Greece seemed to be in. He replied "Keep the pound. Worst thing we ever do is to join the Euro. Prices went up 300% overnight." I've never heard a figure that extreme before, but this is a small island off the beaten track, so who am I to argue?

(I discovered a few days later that the reason for this was that Greeks tended to think of a minimum price of 100 drachma and when the Euro was introduced the thought processes moved to a minimum price of €1. Hence the 300% increase!)

Onions is a great place to eat and the prices are keen, but you still won't eat dinner for two there for less than about €30. A few years ago you could eat well for about €20 - and the exchange rate was better.

On the bill I was handed there were two columns headed 8% and 18%. These reflect the VAT rates of food and others (specifically booze). The current rate is 10% and 21%. He explained to me that these receipts were recently printed and if he were to change them every time the VAT rate changed, it would cost a fortune in printing! The higher rate is to go up to 23% shortly...

It made me reflect on what could happen in the forthcoming emergency budget once the true extent of the mess Broon left the UK's finances in is finally revealed!