The Dear Gill Letters (14)

Oh for a good night out...

Darling, I'm so sorry that I've not written for a while, but you know it's just not easy being the first lady of Britain! You just long for a good night out!

And I actually got one! Whooaaaahh! Vogue gave me chance to unwind a bit with a few other celebs. Alright, I know it's a bit of a shopathon before the new collections hit the catwalk, but it does you good to have a fling sometimes. And the most wonderful thing is that I can now get all the latest gear and not even have to pay for it. They want me to be seen in their clobber. Little old me! Can you imagine it??

Asprey's was lovely - all free bubbly and bubbly celebs. And let's face it, where do you get to have a night out where you can shop and drink at the same time? Works for me!

Anyway, they had to do something after that ridiculous 'walk a mile' charity claptrap I got roped into the other day. I mean come on - I walk a mile for charity. A whole mile. Bloody Walliams - can't stand the little faggot myself - swims the length of the Thames and I get to walk a mile.

I said to Dave, this is claptrap, Dave, I said and he just said "Well if it's only a mile, why don't you do it in six inch heels or something if it's so easy?!" Well to be honest I nearly threw our best Waterford Crystal fruitbowl at him, but of couse we forgot the golden rule which is never say these things in front of a Number 10 press officer! She thought it was a great idea so next thing you know there I am tottering down the street in the most ludiscrous shoes you ever saw. Looking like a tart and feeling like a pudding!

But what about old Cherie Slotgob, eh? Got her comeuppance from the appeal court I gather for not being tough enough on the bench. Well, a 12 month suspended for drug smuggling, I ask you. What's the matter with the woman? Has being married to Tony all these years finally destroyed what little was left of her marbles. Mind you, sometimes it's bad enough being married to Dave, so I can't imagine what it like having put up with Tony.

Anyway, darling, it's London Fashion Week and I've a whole load of freebies! You bring the bubbly and I'll bring the tickets. See you there,